Season 1 Episode 6

The Secret Lives of Altar Girls

Aired Tuesday 10:00 PM Feb 06, 2007 on FX
out of 10
User Rating
150 votes

By TV.com Users

Episode Summary

To assist Willa in her investigation of a teenage girl's murder in a small California town, Lucy delegates her onetime mentor to help. In the meantime, Holt and Lucy's growing attraction towards each other comes to a boil. Meanwhile Julia slumps into the arms of Garbo and deeper into drugs.moreless

Who was the Episode MVP ?

No results found.
No results found.
No results found.
  • Ick! And More Ick!

    Unlike all the previous episodes, I wasn't hugely interested in this week's central mystery. I was always under the impression that DirtNow was a celebrity-fueled tabloid, not one interested in small-town murders. Besides that, I did like the partnership between Willa and Chuck Lafoon. Paul Reubens gave a great guest spot, and I liked his interaction with Lucy. Especially in their last scene, in which yet another person bashes Lucy for her controversial covers.

    Lucy and Holt's flirtation reaches a steamy climax (literally!), with a limo sex scene which ends with Lucy, I think, having her first orgasm with an actual person all season. Courteney Cox and Josh Stewart have great chemistry, and all their scenes together feature really strong performances and dialogue. Compared to his relationship with lame-ass Julia, the Lucy/Holt union seems extremely realistic, and I love them together.

    The best parts of the episode are the hilarious Adrianne Curry/Christopher Knight scenes. I've been a huge Adrianne fan since America's Next Top Model, and she gave a great performance here. I also thought that they must have a huge sense of humor about themselves if they're willing to poke fun at the fact that they are essentially huge fame whores in reality. Their sex tape was the comedy highlight of the episode, especially with Adrianne's "yell to your mistress!" line.

    Meanwhile, Holt vomited worms. And it completely grossed me out. I can handle heads in jars and kitten births, but that moment was just plain ick-worthy. The incest angle right at the end also creeped me out a little, but at least it'll give Willa more to do next episode.

    An average episode with the same great acting as past Dirt hours, but the subplots overshadowed the main story in terms of entertainment value.

    Director: Jesse Bochco

    Writer: Joel Fields

    Rating: C+moreless
  • We are shown a day in the life of developing a real story for DirtNow; we discover a real life mystery--and the race is on for headlines, bylines & movie/book rights! We also get more glimpses into Lucy's back story. Anything to make her more sympathetic.moreless

    News Flash: The body of a smalltown cheerleader was found in the woods in Walnut Valley. Lucy's staff is on the case in full force, including Lucy's former mentor, Chuck Lafoon (Paul Reubens). The girl was pregnant. But she was only having *anal* sex with her boyfriend(???). So who put "his love" in her?

    The mystery is compounded by revelations from the town minister and his looney tune daughter...

    Certified looney tune, Don, the photographer, is found snapping shots of the minister. Will Don find God in the boonies?

    Side stories:

    A couple of wannabees try to *buy* their way into a DirtNow cover story, which Lucy *isn't* buying.

    Lucy finds a man she can come with. Hallelujah! Too bad it's Holt...

    Holt is spitting up blood (and WORMS!!) again. And assaults his poor production assistant on his film shoot. What is up with the boy?

    His girlfriend, Julia, is regularly fornicating with her drug dealer Garbo. Yeah, the one who's feeding her primo drugs. And burning her with cigarettes. Poor, disturbed, Young Hollywood...

    An as a fashion aesthetic aside, Lucys' hair thoughout: fabu! And, for most of the episode, Lucy is not wearing any of her odd combos of skirts/dresses, stockings, and chunky heels showing off her Bizarro World calves. Lucy should wear slacks. Always.

    Dig in, peeps, it's good stuff!moreless
  • They did it

    I've been waiting for this: Holt and Lucy did it. In a limo. How clichee is that? I think their weird relation is so interesting and could you see Lucy coming? Great performance, Courtney, who would have thought that nice and clean Monica Gellar could play such a naughty one?

    I think this series is really good, unlike some other people obviously do. The main character is not automatically one to love, but you can come to like her once you've gone deeper into her personality and seen a bit of the real Lucy. I like this show, can't wait for the next episode!moreless
  • If they needed to fill space the hour with something they should have shown an old episode of Nip?/Tuck instead of this.

    I’m starting to not like this show and this episode has given me the reasons. For starters, Holt is so boring and stale it makes me sick. I think that’s why he coughing and throwing up blood because his body is trying to get away from him. Next on the list of lame is Julia. This thing with her getting into drugs and going all crazy and stupid is annoying and just like her boyfriend boring. Then the main story of the magazine about the dead cheerleader is also very boring. I don’t care when a cheerleader dies for real an is covered on the evening news, and I for dang sure don’t want to see it on an episode of any tv show. Dead teen whores do not excite me in the least bit. Also, the Lucy getting into it with her mentor about she has always wanted to know why her father did what he did and blah, blah, blah is so cliché for tv shows that I knew what was going to be said before they even said it. If this show doesn’t start doing really interesting, different, out of the tv norm type of storylines that FX is known for, this sow is going to go downhill faster than a fat man chasing a donut.moreless
  • The DirtNow gang tackles crime and church corruption while investigating a story on the mysterious murder of a pretty high school cheerleader. Featuring Paul "Pee Wee Herman" Rubens.

    In my opinion, this was the weakest episode of the series yet. I hope to GOD they don't turn the show in to a crime solving drama, there are too many of those!

    The DirtNow staff decides to investigate a story of a murder in a small religious California town. The murder seems to have all the makings of a good story-- a young, pretty cheerleader, a small "innocent" town where these types of crimes are usually thought to be non-existent, and maybe... just maybe a "hidden life" that the cheerleader led which may have resulted in her murder.

    Think "Murder she Wrote" that features a mean Angela.


    Well, as it happens, the cheerleader DID have a secret life... she was having sexual relations with (wait for it) her pastor / priest / minister and was pregnant with his child.

    So, the pastor /priest / minister's daughter kills the cheerleader because she wanted her daddy all to herself... ALL to herself, as it turns out-- The pastor / priest / pope / minister was having sex with his own daughter, too.


    The religion depicted was a smattering of all Christian religions mashed into some confused jumble. Was the pastor guy Catholic? I thought only Catholics wore the collar (which the pedophile priest guy did), and Catholic priests take a vow of celibacy... so he would not have a daughter to begin with! He would be excommunicated and lose his church! I don't think the writers bothered to read up on religion before writing this episode.

    The whole "Christie Church goes bad" plot line has been done to death. And a pedophile man of the cloth? That isn't all too original. In fact, it has been a favorite plot line of television dramas and films for years! After the Nth show depicting pastors / priests violating their trusts, I think we get what Hollywood is trying to say already. Churches are chock full of underage kid-seeking hypocrites (the pastor / priest guy) and secretly sinning parishioners. Check.

    I'll keep watching though, the episodes before this one were terrific! I just hope they don't start wandering away from what makes this show fun to watch and turn it in to yet another campy 1980's style crime solving drama. :(

    However, despite the weak main story line, the ongoing elements of the series side plot lines get even more fleshed out which made the show entirely watchable and made it a good way to spend an hour in front of the television. Toss in Paul "Pee Wee" Rubens in a serious role (where he ISN'T Pee Wee or the comic relief of the show) and you have a mild winner.

    If you are new to the series, this episode is NOT the first one you want to watch. Go back and see the first few episodes first before trying to digest this episode!moreless
Christopher Knight

Christopher Knight


Guest Star

Adrianne Curry

Adrianne Curry


Guest Star

Paul Reubens

Paul Reubens

Chuck Lafoon

Guest Star

Carly Pope

Carly Pope


Recurring Role

Alex Breckenridge

Alex Breckenridge

Willa McPherson

Recurring Role

Ankur Bhatt

Ankur Bhatt


Recurring Role

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (1)

  • QUOTES (18)

    • Chuck: You can keep going after everyone in the world—expose everyone else's secrets—but it's not gonna get you what you want...it's not gonna tell you why your father killed himself.
      Lucy: Get out! Drunk!

    • Lucy: You only worry about your image.
      Brent: I'm worried about the magazine's image. What we publish has consequences.
      Lucy: This case was going nowhere until we stepped in. If we keep at it, we may just raise enough hell to bring this girl's killer to justice! How's that for consequences?
      Brent: Wow, seems like I hit a nerve. What are the odds of that, like four in a billion?
      Lucy: Oh God.

    • Chuck: (to Willa) Well, you got your first crime-story interview. God help us.

    • Wila: So, what was Lucy like when she was starting out? I mean, what was her first big story? How did she rise so far and so fast?
      Chuck: (scoffs) You're a one-man press conference. Look, you want to be a reporter? Remember this: Everyone wants to tell their story. You gotta cultivate your source, one question at a time. Sometimes...no questions.
      Wila: (giggles) Sorry.... So, what was Lucy like when she started out?
      Chuck: Kinda a little bit like you.
      [Willa smiles]
      Chuck: Not necessarily a compliment.

    • Chuck: Look, there's a memorial for this girl at the local church in two hours. Why don't we go there, check it out, see what we see?
      Wila: How did you know about it?
      Chuck: Big complicated story like this, intricate local politics...you really gotta know how to dig.
      [Willa notices a flyer for the memorial attached to the telephone pole right next to them]
      Chuck: It's nice out, let's walk. Maybe we'll find another scoop on the way.

    • Lucy: Celebrity murder always trumps celebrity weddings, you know that.
      Brent: She's not a celebrity.
      Lucy: Yes, well, she will be.

    • Chuck: Your office just seems to get bigger and bigger.
      Lucy: Same office Chuck.
      Chuck: And yet bigger. Maybe I should do a story; mysterious expanding office takes on all in its path.
      Lucy: I need you on something.
      Chuck: You already have me up to my ears in nuts and sluts.

    • Girl: They're crap images, people wanna see the glam.
      Lucy: People wanna see the glam? What is that a Shakira lyric?

    • Chuck: Oh, please. The cover's a lie and you know it!
      Lucy: The cover is a sales tool. The story is inside and it's accurate.
      Chuck: (exhales abruptly in frustration) This is why I don't do this anymore. I get sent in to get facts, and they get twisted around to make the cover work.

    • Tyler: Look, there's no way I got Amber pregnant, ok? I mean, her virginity was sacred to both of us. That's why we agreed I'd only put it in her butt.

    • Julia: You knew...you knew someone had a sex tape on me and you didn't tell me. (hits Holt several times) What kind of a person are you?!
      Holt: Been asking the same thing about you for a long time.
      [Holt picks up his bag and walks out]

    • Holt: I can't come in. Julia's expecting...
      (Lucy cuts him off)
      Lucy: Did I invite you in?

    • Holt: So I guess I owe you?
      Lucy: Yeah, you do.
      Holt: (quietly) Yeah.
      [They start making out]

    • Brent: So, still exploiting the dead girl next week?
      Lucy: I don't know, Brent. Still exploiting the live girl this week?
      Brent: (sarcastic laugh) Looks, brains, and venom. How do you stay single?
      Lucy: Oh, you know, it's a battle.
      Brent: Yeah...clearly.

    • Willa: Look, Maddy. The police are going to find out anyway. So if you tell me, at least I can paint the right picture for people.

    • Don: (looking at the cover photo of Brenda) She looks sweet. Sad.
      Lucy: Why? She's smiling.
      Don: Sad smile. She reminds me of you when you were younger.

    • Don: Who are they?
      Lucy: A favor to a publicist.

    • Holt: I hate these damn things.
      Lucy: You gotta find a way to make it amusing. I like to look and see if I can find the people who donated 500 bucks to get in, but spent ten grand on a dress.
      Holt: Yeah, that would, uh, sorta scream, uh, screw the homeless, right?

  • NOTES (3)

    • International Airdates:
      The Netherlands: January 29, 2008 on Net 5
      Sweden: February 12, 2008 on TV400
      Latin America: April 20, 2008 on People & Arts

    • Music Featured in This Episode:
      Things you should Leave Alone by Puracane
      I Thank You Now by Nicole McKenna
      Node by Phontaine
      Xsty by SaF
      Cruel by N.Lannon
      Fools At the Table by Matt Beckler
      Allelujah by K.I.A

    • Scott Klace appears as the DA and also appears in the Boston Legal episode "Selling Sickness" as Dr. Levinson, both originally episodes airing on Feb. 6th, 2007 at 10/9c.