Dirty Jobs

Dave: It's out of your eyelash now, but there is something in your eye. Mike: Really. Do you think it will harden? Dave: You've got another eye, don't you?

Mike: I believe that you are responsible for virtually every unpleasant thing that's happened to me in the last year. Dave: What's been unpleasant? Mike: What hasn't?

Craig Piligian: (the executive producer tries Mike's job) I'm the boss. I ain't doin' that.

Mike: The potential for catastrophe here is pleasantly high.

Mike: Engulfment: three little syllables that say so much.

Mike: On a humid afternoon there's nothing quite like the comforting clutch of crap to let you know that you're in the warm embrace of good friends.