Dirty Sexy Money

Ellen: When would be a good time for her? Patrick: What is it you wanna talk about? Ellen: Just make it happen. If you want to stay married to me, quit stalling, and make it happen. Patrick: I understand... Ellen: Today!

Karen: Something was off last night though. It wasn't the same. Jeremy: Mmm... Do Tell. Karen: Well, usually, when Giorgio and I have meaningless post-divorce sex, it feels a little less meaningless. Like we're somehow... Jeremy: ...planets whose orbits intersect every ten years? Karen: No, just hornier.

Nick George: She just wants to talk.
Carmelita: I can't do it. I can't face her. I'm sorry. Tell Patrick no.
Nick George: Carmelita, just put yourself in Ellen's shoes. Just for a second. She's not asking Patrick to end the affair. She's not asking you to vanish. She just wants to talk. Who knows, maybe the three of you can somehow, I don't know, complete each other.
Carmelita: You really think that's possible.
Nick George: Well, I think that life is very creative and surprising and sometimes we find solutions when we thought there were any.
Carmelita: Patrick is so lucky to have someone like you in his life. (takes a deep breath) I'll do it.
Nick George: Good.

Simon Elder: Okay, so you're being straight with me about this little sit-down? You promise me I'm not going to be walking into some sort of classic Tripp Darling ambush.
Nick George: I... I promise.
Simon Elder: Yeah, okay, I'll go. Actually, I think it could be beneficial.
Nick George: Good.
Simon Elder: It's not everyday two men like us sit down, break bread together. It should be interesting.
Nick George: Done.

(after the terms have been laid down by Andrea's lawyer) Brian: Are you out of your freaking mind? Andrea: I know what's best for my child. Brian: Says the tramp who slept with me last week to get him back.

Brian: Two million. Andrea: Are you trying to buy my son? Brian: I'm trying to buy our son. Nick: Nobody is buying anybody. Mitchell: This is ridiculous. We're leaving. Brian: Three million. We both know it's all about the money with you anyway. Andrea: Now, I remember why it didn't work with us. You're not a human being.

Jeremy: Listen, Sofia... Sofia: The answer is yes. Jeremy: To what? Sofia: I will go out with you. And I don't even know your last name. Jeremy: Well, I don't even know your last name. Sofia: I'm Sofia Montoya and you're Jeremy...? Jeremy: I'm cool with just Jeremy, babe. Listen, Jeremy Babeson.

Carmelita: Ellen, I've heard a lot about you. Ellen: I wish I could say the same. Unfortunately, I've been kept completely in the dark. Carmelita: I have too... in a sense.

Brian Darling: Family is the only thing that matters to me. As the arbitrator in this case, I'm sure you can appreciate that. And that's why as a father and a minister that I should share custody with Brian Jr. and she should not be able to whisk him away to freakin' Brazil.
Arbitrator: Thank you, Reverend Darling, for your forthrightness.

Mitchell: Is it true that you forced Brian Jr. to lie to your wife and pretend that he was a Swedish orphan whose parents died in a car accident? Brian: No. Mitchell: No? Brian: It was a bullet train accident, not a car. Get your facts straight.

Jeremy: So where do people like you go out? Clark: People like me? Jeremy: Yeah, you know, like poor people. Where do you eat when you go out? Clark: You know, Jeremy, I actually make a pretty decent living working for your family. Jeremy: I've seen you eating your packed lunch and I don't know what's going on with the whole silent movie star moustache, but it seems pretty poverty-related. Clark: You're right, Jeremy. I can't actually afford a beard.

Jeremy Darling: Clark, damn! You're like the fountain of middle class romance information.
Clark: I've been called that before.

Simon: I'm all for sport-hunting and responsible wildlife management. But actually, I don't eat meat. Karen: Oh, but that's all the yummy stuff. Do you eat anything yummy? Patrick: Down, girl. Karen: Shut up.

(people singing "Happy Birthday" and a waitress bringing a cake)
Sofia Montoya: That was so embarrassing. My birthday's in March.
Jeremy Darling: It was the only way I could get a table. Just, you know, pretend.
Sofia Montoya: I'm having a great time tonight.
Jeremy Darling: Me too.

Andrea: Brian, that first day that I met you at church. You sat and talked to me for hours about faith and solace. Brian: Yes, what about it? Andrea: So you are the one who taught me to bring my problems in life to God. Have you thought about doing that?

Simon: I've simply offered myself to Patrick as an adviser and a friend during this time of transition. Tripp: So you're not using him as a pawn to enact revenge against me, huh? Simon: I think that Patrick's pedigree combined with his passion for social justice is gonna make him a very effective senator. I'm excited to be on his team, that's all. Patrick: Dad, try not to make a fool of yourself, okay?

Nick George: What is this all about, Tripp?
Tripp Darling: It's about the chilling heartlessness of a man determined to tear asunder the long-standing family ties in the course of his vendetta. (to Simon) You want to tell 'em why you want to destroy my family or shall I?

Simon: You told me this wasn't an ambush. Nick: I didn't do anything... Simon: You should stop lying to me. I will not be played. Nick: No one is playing you. Simon: If that fossil wants a war, that's exactly what he'll get. That's what you'll both get.

Brian Darling: (praying in his bed) Dear God, I don't ask you for much 'cause I know I don't deserve much. But please help the arbitrator to understand that I love my son. And please give her the good sense...
Brian's Employee: I think this is yours.
Arbitrator: No, it fell out off your...
Brian's Employee: From Reverend Darling.
Brian Darling: ...to accept my generous donation. Thank you. Amen.

Jeremy Darling: Sofia, this is my dad.
Sofia Montoya: (offering her hand) [Spanish greeting]
Clark: Babesons don't shake. Babesons hug.

Tripp: (as he watches Darling Plaza being demolished, by order of Simon Elder) There is nothing that that man is not capable of doing.

Nick: (answering his phone) I was hoping it would be you. Lisa: Hi. Nick: Happy Thanksgiving. Lisa: Such as it is. I'm sorry I left Nick but sometimes it is really hard to deal with this whole situation. Nick: Look, I'll quit. Why don't I quit? Lisa: I don't want you to quit but I feel you're slipping away like things are spiraling out of control for both of us.

(on the phone) Lisa: I love you, Nick. I'm really... I'm trying. You know that, right? Nick: Yeah, I know. I'm trying to, Lis. We'll get through this. Lisa: I know we will. Nick: Alright. I love you. Lisa: I love you too.

Karen Darling: Why are you wearing cologne?
Jeremy Darling: There's this girl who parks at the garage who won't go out with me. She thinks I'm like just a valet.
Karen Darling: Oh! So you're gonna knock her unconscious with your cologne and what shanghai her? Just tell her you're Jeremy Darling.
Jeremy Darling: No! Natalie pretended to be pregnant just to get my money. I want this girl to like me for me.
Karen Darling: Honey that's not gonna happen. You're a Darling! As soon as she finds out, it never going to be the same. Trust me.
Jeremy Darling: Guess she can never find out then.

Lisa: Five days without Nick George. Won't the Darling dynasty crumble in the dust without you? Nick: It just might. But it would be very expensive dust.