Dirty Sexy Money

Season 1 Episode 3

The Italian Banker

Aired Wednesday 10:00 PM Oct 10, 2007 on ABC



  • Trivia

    • The Italian Banker (title of the episode) is a sexual position which is seen being performed in the sex tape of one of the Darlings. It is also sometimes referred to as The Italian Chandelier. The title also refers to a literal Italian banker, Paolo, who helps Nick with producing the money he needs to bribe the one who holds the sex tape.

  • Quotes

    • Nick: (on sex scandal tape) OK, just to be sure, not even any kissing or touching or heavy petting while the camera was on?

    • Nick: Let yourself go, Pat.
      Patrick: Thanks, Nick. I will.

    • Juliet: Thank you for sticking up for me.
      Jeremy: She was out of line. It was no big thing.
      Juliet: No, it was huge. It was the best. I'm sorry that I said you had a thing for her. I guess my twin-tuition's off this year.

    • Nick: (on Patrick's sex scandal tape) Well, let's just think for a second. Do we even know that this tape actually exists?
      Rebecca: Think about it. Patrick Darling.
      Nick: I'll talk to him.

    • Reporter: Juliet Darling, is it true you got banned from the Argyle for starting a fire?
      Juliet: That was an accident!
      Reporter: Isn't this really about Natalie Kimpton. You hate each other so much you can't even stay in the same hotel?
      Juliet: Is that what she said?
      Reporter: Oh, no. She said you're a small-minded fashion victim. End quote.
      Other Reporter: Do you have a comment to that?
      Juliet: I have never wanted anything but good things for Natalie. I wish her success and happiness. Peace out! Bring the boys home.

    • Nick: So, I hate to ask you this but you never filmed yourself performing a sexual act ever? With Ellen or anyone?
      Patrick: No.
      Nick: With Carmelita?
      Patrick: Nick, what part of "No" do you not understand?
      Nick: Just be completely honest with me.
      Patrick: I am being completely honest with you. I never made any sex tape. Quite frankly, I don't find them to be very romantic.

    • Juliet: What's going on with you lately?
      Jeremy: What? Nothing.
      Juliet: I'm sensing some sort of weird vibe. You know how my twin-tuition gets really good a month before our birthday.
      Jeremy: There's no such thing as twin-tuition.
      Juliet: Yes, there is and you know it!

    • Nick: Well, I've spoken with Patrick.
      Rebecca: And?
      Nick: And he claims he's never made a sex tape. Says they're not romantic.
      Rebecca: Nick, let me let you in on a little secret about the Darlings, Nick. They lie.

    • Juliet: I'm a virgin.
      Nick: Oh. Wow. That's a surprise. A real total virgin?
      Juliet: Yeah. I've never even... (holds her hand to her lips) well anything.
      Nick: Juliet, why do you...
      Juliet: ...let everyone think I'm a slut?
      Nick: Yeah.
      Juliet: It's easier.

    • Karen: So alright I made a sex tape. It's not like it's against the law.
      Nick: I'm not saying it's against the law, Karen. It's just that you lied to me.
      Karen: Oh, I hurt your feelings.
      Nick: No, Karen.
      Karen: I'm sorry Nick. I won't do that again.

    • Patrick: Funny thing is, I'm not allowed to be loved for who I really am. Poor people. Nobody's regular beings that only God sees. They can be loved for who they are but not me. Because you know why?
      Clark: We should really go, sir.
      Patrick: 'Cause I'm a scion. I'm a Darling twig. A tender shoot that's stuck to a tree that I cannot live without.

    • Patrick: Dutch was so, so proud of you Nick. You must know that, right?
      Nick: I'm always proud of him. I didn't give him very many opportunities to say it.
      Patrick: Does anybody get life right?
      Nick: I don't know. I just know that no matter what, tomorrow is another day, another opportunity, another chance.

    • Freddy: (on learning about Karen's sex tape) That's the difference between you and me, Nick. I realize that nobody is perfect. You? You're still trying.

    • Juliet Darling: I don't need my twin-tuition to see you googling her ass!
      Jeremy Darling: Don't you mean ogling--
      Juliet Darling: Whatever!

    • Brian Darling Sr: (after scolding his bewildered son about his own lies) Remember, we pay the rent in this house with honesty. Don't make me raise your rent.
      Mei Ling: Do you really believe his name is Gustav?
      Brian Darling Sr: What choice do I have. Now at some point you have to just put your faith in humanity. Gotta get to bible study.

    • Nick George: (referring to the Karen Darling sex tape) Okay... you the guy that bought it?
      Courier: (scoffs) No, but my boss did... for 3 million dollars.
      Nick George: Your boss?
      Courier: Simon Elder. Yeah, he's not the man you think he is. And your boss isn't either.

    • Nick George: What the hell are they doing?
      Daisy: The Italian Banker.
      Nick George: How do you know that?
      Rebecca: Ah... the reverse Italian Banker.

    • Nick George: They all said no.
      Rebecca: Told ya, Patrick made the sex tape. Patrick's lying. Patrick's going to be the next lying President of the Unites States of lying America.

  • Notes

    • The song playing when the vault is opened is "The Flower Duet" from the opera Lakme by Leo Delibes.

    • Bellamy Young replaces Kiersten Warren as Patrick Darling's wife, Ellen Darling. Warren only appeared in the pilot episode.

    • Original International Air Dates:
      Denmark: April 5, 2008 on SBS Net
      The Netherlands: April 8, 2008 on NET 5
      United Kingdom: April 8, 2008 on E4
      Sweden: April 24, 2008 on Kanal 5
      Slovakia: July 12, 2009 on JOJ

    • The song at the end of the episode is "Everybody Knows" by Concrete Blonde. The song "Elevatin" by Wired All Wrong is also featured in this episode.

  • Allusions