Dirty Sexy Money

Nick: (on sex scandal tape) OK, just to be sure, not even any kissing or touching or heavy petting while the camera was on?

Nick: Let yourself go, Pat. Patrick: Thanks, Nick. I will.

Juliet: Thank you for sticking up for me. Jeremy: She was out of line. It was no big thing. Juliet: No, it was huge. It was the best. I'm sorry that I said you had a thing for her. I guess my twin-tuition's off this year.

Nick: (on Patrick's sex scandal tape) Well, let's just think for a second. Do we even know that this tape actually exists? Rebecca: Think about it. Patrick Darling. Nick: I'll talk to him.

Reporter: Juliet Darling, is it true you got banned from the Argyle for starting a fire? Juliet: That was an accident! Reporter: Isn't this really about Natalie Kimpton. You hate each other so much you can't even stay in the same hotel? Juliet: Is that what she said? Reporter: Oh, no. She said you're a small-minded fashion victim. End quote. Other Reporter: Do you have a comment to that? Juliet: I have never wanted anything but good things for Natalie. I wish her success and happiness. Peace out! Bring the boys home.

Nick: So, I hate to ask you this but you never filmed yourself performing a sexual act ever? With Ellen or anyone? Patrick: No. Nick: With Carmelita? Patrick: Nick, what part of "No" do you not understand? Nick: Just be completely honest with me. Patrick: I am being completely honest with you. I never made any sex tape. Quite frankly, I don't find them to be very romantic.

Juliet: What's going on with you lately?
Jeremy: What? Nothing.
Juliet: I'm sensing some sort of weird vibe. You know how my twin-tuition gets really good a month before our birthday.
Jeremy: There's no such thing as twin-tuition.
Juliet: Yes, there is and you know it!

Nick: Well, I've spoken with Patrick. Rebecca: And? Nick: And he claims he's never made a sex tape. Says they're not romantic. Rebecca: Nick, let me let you in on a little secret about the Darlings, Nick. They lie.

Juliet: I'm a virgin. Nick: Oh. Wow. That's a surprise. A real total virgin? Juliet: Yeah. I've never even... (holds her hand to her lips) well anything. Nick: Juliet, why do you... Juliet: ...let everyone think I'm a slut? Nick: Yeah. Juliet: It's easier.

Karen: So alright I made a sex tape. It's not like it's against the law. Nick: I'm not saying it's against the law, Karen. It's just that you lied to me. Karen: Oh, I hurt your feelings. Nick: No, Karen. Karen: I'm sorry Nick. I won't do that again.

Patrick: Funny thing is, I'm not allowed to be loved for who I really am. Poor people. Nobody's regular beings that only God sees. They can be loved for who they are but not me. Because you know why? Clark: We should really go, sir. Patrick: 'Cause I'm a scion. I'm a Darling twig. A tender shoot that's stuck to a tree that I cannot live without.

Patrick: Dutch was so, so proud of you Nick. You must know that, right?
Nick: I'm always proud of him. I didn't give him very many opportunities to say it.
Patrick: Does anybody get life right?
Nick: I don't know. I just know that no matter what, tomorrow is another day, another opportunity, another chance.

Freddy: (on learning about Karen's sex tape) That's the difference between you and me, Nick. I realize that nobody is perfect. You? You're still trying.

Juliet Darling: I don't need my twin-tuition to see you googling her ass! Jeremy Darling: Don't you mean ogling-- Juliet Darling: Whatever!

Brian Darling Sr: (after scolding his bewildered son about his own lies) Remember, we pay the rent in this house with honesty. Don't make me raise your rent.
Mei Ling: Do you really believe his name is Gustav?
Brian Darling Sr: What choice do I have. Now at some point you have to just put your faith in humanity. Gotta get to bible study.

Nick George: (referring to the Karen Darling sex tape) Okay... you the guy that bought it?
Courier: (scoffs) No, but my boss did... for 3 million dollars.
Nick George: Your boss?
Courier: Simon Elder. Yeah, he's not the man you think he is. And your boss isn't either.

Nick George: What the hell are they doing? Daisy: The Italian Banker. Nick George: How do you know that? Rebecca: Ah... the reverse Italian Banker.

Nick George: They all said no. Rebecca: Told ya, Patrick made the sex tape. Patrick's lying. Patrick's going to be the next lying President of the Unites States of lying America.