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Karen: It's like I marry the guys I don't love and I lose the ones I do. God.
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Patrick: Now, I understand how Tripp Darling lives, works, operates. Fully. Victories have costs. Maybe I should take a little less Patrick Darling down to Washington and, uh, a little more Tripp.
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Brian: (to a police officer) He's about four foot tall, has a face like a smurf.
Andrea: Here's a recent picture and he's four foot two exactly.
Brian: And she's the one who lost him.
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Chase: You know you sounded a lot like Tripp Darling back there Nick; you must be so proud.
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Karen: Nick, I've been married four times. Even I have shame.
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Patrick: See, I'm not like you dad - I live for my heart, not my head.
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Andrea: You kidnapped our son!
Brian: Andrea, our son stowed away on my jet. I had nothing to do with it.
Andrea: You planted the idea in his head.
Brian: The pygmy has a mind of his own and, let's face it, unlike you is smart enough to realize he'd be better off here, with me!
Brian Jr.: I want to be with both of you. That's why I stowed away and that's why I called Nick.
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Lisa: The Darlings are helpless babies living in a golden playpen and Nick's their nanny and by the time he's done cleaning up after them, there's nothing, and I mean nothing, left of him for me.