Dirty Sexy Money

Karen: The only thing I'm gonna want once I'm feeling up to it is an extremely dry triple martini. And a time machine so I can go back to the day I met Simon and stop this whole baby mess before it started.

Nick: Brian. Brian: You don't look so happy to see me. Nick: You going somewhere? Brian: (enters Nick's apartment with his luggage) Here. Nick: Wait, wait! Wait a minute. Brian: Don't even try. I know you have the extra room. Now that you're down a wife. Lucky bastard.

Karen: Being rich doesn't protect you from anything, does it? Letitia: No dear, it doesn't. Not at all.

Nick: (spits out coffee) What the hell is this?! Brian: It's coffee. It's your free-trade swill. Nick: Yeah, well, it tastes like bleach! Brian: Well, I cleaned out the coffeemaker with bleach 'cause it was dirty! This place is a pig sty! Nick: Yeah, well, I'm sorry that I don't have a full-time staff of cooks and maids like you're used to at home, Brian. Maybe you should thought of that before you invaded. Brian: No, maybe you should've frikkin' hired somebody! Planning, Nick, is key!

Patrick: Do not give me your panties here. Dana Whatley: That's impossible. I'm not wearing any.

Nick: Karen's pregnant. Brian: Holy... Nick: Yeah, I know. Brian: And it's yours? Nick: No. Brian: Well, whose is it? I guess it could be half the Fortune 500's, right? Nick: [It's] Simon Elder's. Brian: Oh, man... Nick: Hey, Brian. And she still wants me to be with her. Brian: [What,] and raise the devil's spawn?