Dr. Katz

Dom: Doc, did you ever know I could put my legs behind my head like this? Dr. Katz: (sigh) Yes I know it, you showed me last week.

Dr. Katz: It is amazing what they can do now with gene splicing. You know, they've taken the head of Gene Autry, and attached it to the body of Gene Rayburn.

(about his fear of bees) Dr. Katz: I actually saw a therapist for this. I'm sitting, I'm talking to this woman, and describing my problem to her and I notice that she has this tiny little waist. And I'm thinking to myself, "how do I know she's not one of them?" (continued) Dr. Katz: But I did see a behavior therapist. And they put you through what is called 'Systematic Desensitization'. It's five steps: the last step, they put you alone in a room with several hundred bees. I only got past the first step. Stanley: Which was? Dr. Katz: They put you alone in a room with a dead horse.

Ben: I'm still feeling a little tight in the neck. And down towards the back, and moving into the groin -- which doesn't feel so bad.

Laura: (through intercom) BZZZZZZ. Dr. Katz: Oh I get it. I get it, you're playing on my fear, right? Because everyone knows that's the funniest thing you can do is to play into someone's fear. Laura: Is this the right time to talk about a raise? Dr. Katz: Stop it. Laura: Baby.

Laura: You're afraid of bees. Dr. Katz: Well it's not so much as I'm afraid of them, I just, I act irrationally around them, you know. I'm concerned I'm gonna do something to that bee that we're both gonna regret.

Ben: Well, I'm still young, and, you know, there's no real age limit to seeing a pediatrician. Dr. Katz: No, I think there is, actually. ... It's just, the problems of a young man -- the medical problems of a young man -- are different than those of a little boy Ben: Are hot flashes bad?

Ben: Maybe I'll call Dr. Mepstein. Dr. Katz: Why don't you call a real doctor, a grown-up doctor; you're too old to call your pediatrician, Ben.

Dr. Katz: Have you been hitting the medical books again: my medical books? Have you been looking at them? Ben: I read a little bit last night. Dr. Katz: I'm gonna hide 'em. I don't think you should have access to them. Remember what happened last time? Ben: When I read the book? I got sick. Dr. Katz: Yeah, but it took three doctors and five-hundred dollars to convince you that you didn't have an ovarian cyst.