Dr. Katz

Dr. Katz: You are the youngest of six. Janeane: No. Dr. Katz: I'm sorry, let me check my... Okay, so you are the middle child, classic middle child syndrome. Janeane: No, I'm the youngest of three. Dr. Katz: My next guess. Okay, and the only female. Janeane: No. Dr. Katz: You're not making this easy on me, Janeane. Janeane: I have a sister who is three years older than me and a brother who is six years older than me. Dr. Katz: Classic... uh, stacking, every three years s-syndrome.

Dr. Katz: You're 24 years old. Relaxing, for you, could be lying down and feeling your own manhood ... Ben: Alright, I have a problem too.

Ben: "Well, I'm not gonna beat around the bush; I'm not gonna mince words. I am here for a very specific reason, and that is..." Dr. Katz: "Wait a second, let me guess: did I forget your allowance?" Ben: "No, no, no, it's not that, Dad. It's actually more serious than that. Um, this is an intervention, Dad. I mean, I don't wanna make any bones about it. I'm here to tell you..." Dr. Katz: "Can we do this later?" Ben: "Sure." Dr. Katz: "'Cause, I'm in the middle, I'm almost done with this chapter."

Julie: Are you guys gonna eat something? Dr. Katz: Stan, you wanna share something? Stanley: Yeah, you got any of that brownish-reddish meat you had yesterday? Dr. Katz: Yeah, I'll have a piece of brownish-reddish meat. Stanley: On whole wheat? Julie: Yeah, It's on whole wheat. Dr. Katz: Give us just like a study in khaki. Stanley: Earth tones. Dr. Katz: A plate of earth tones, yeah.

Janeane: (about being mugged) They stole my pride, they stole my sense of rhythm, they stole my whimsical good nature. Dr. Katz: You shouldn't leave all that stuff lying around.

Ben (About Dr. Katz): "He seems to be drinking a little bit more than usual, you know, the booze, you know, liquor." Laura: "Ben, don't let your hypochondria extend to your father." Ben: "It's not hypochondria, is it: liquor? That's alcoholism." Laura: "Well, if you think that you're an alcoholic and you're not, that's hypochondria." Ben: "I thought that was denial." Laura: "No, denial is when you are an alcoholic and you don't think you are." Ben: "Okay, so what's hypochondria again?" Laura: "It's when you don't have it, but you think you do. You don't have it, you think you do; your father has it even less, and you think he does." Ben: "God, I could use a drink."

Ben: I was thinking I was gonna watch T.V. You know, there's a special on a really drunk guy who drinks a lot. You should watch that. Dr. Katz: What's that called? Ben: It's called 'Drinky Guy Who's Drunk All The Time'. Dr. Katz: Drinky the drunk guy? Ben: Yeah, whose name is 'My Dad'.

Ben: You're doing alright, Dad. How about a glass of water or a cup of coffee and uh and then you can call it quits for the day, huh, and start drinking early tomorrow.