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Ben: Hey Dad, whatta you think of these pants -- too tight?
Dr. Katz: Well they're not tight around the ankle.
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Ben: (looking for a new style) A parrot and a peg-leg -- I could be like, you know, very popular. Just in this neighborhood. And I could walk around and call everyone 'Cap'n'. "Morning, Cap'n!"
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Dr. Katz: I just don't know if an earring is the right look for you. Remember how you felt when we went out to a restaurant -- two-three years ago -- and I had the rug?
Ben: Yeah, that bothered me.
Dr. Katz: Because your father was trying to what?
Ben: Compensate for having no hair.
Dr. Katz: Yes, and now my son is trying to what?
Ben: Compensate for having no ears.
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Dr. Katz: Do you want my honest opinion?
Ben: Um, is that the one where my feelings get hurt?
Dr. Katz: I'm afraid so.
Ben: Well, what other sort of opinions do you have?
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Dr. Katz: (looking at Ben's ear) What is that? Is that an infection? Oh! That's an earring! Hey, you're not rebelling, are you?
Ben: Against what?
Dr. Katz: That's true.
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Julie: (about Ben getting an earring) Well Jonathon, he's just a kid. I mean, you were young once; you probably did some crazy things, right?
Dr. Katz: Well when I was young, when I was in college, I had my tubes tied.
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Ben: You know, but, just because I didn't get the earring, doesn't mean I'm, you know, that I'm not gonna change my image. And I did get this.
Dr. Katz: Hey, it looks great, Cap'n.
Ben: It's a raccoon cap.
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(discussing rearranging Dr. Katz's office furniture)
Laura: I think that it's good, but when you open the door, you're gonna hit the patient in the head.
Dr. Katz: You know what, you're right.
Laura: But that could be good.
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Dr. Katz: Do you know how to tell if a racoon's rabid?
Ben: No.
Dr. Katz: Poke him in the eye. Oh no, that's how you make a Venician blind.
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Laura: (reluctantly) Are you wearing an earring?
Ben: Yes, huh, what do you think; pretty sexy, huh?
Laura: There's something covering it. What is that?
Ben: That's, um, that's the tape. It's a tape-on.
Laura: Oh, a tape-on.
Ben: They don't make clip-ons anymore.
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Dr. Katz: Do you know how many raccoons died to make that one hat? Do you know that?
Ben: No, I don't.
Dr. Katz: One raccoon.