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    • Dr. Katz: Ben borrowed the car today. Stanley: What did he do? Dr. Katz: Well, apparently, it's what he didn't do. He didn't release the emergency brake. Stanley: Ooh, ow, ow, ow, ooh, ow. Dr. Katz: He drove the car for about three hours with the emergency brake on. ... he's claiming that everyone has their own definition of emergency.
    • Ben: I parked the car right out front.... Laura: Oh right, okay, well that's a great place because there's that big sign that says 'absolutely no parking at any time'.... It's just there to deter the people who are easily scared and leave the space open for the bold.
    • Dr. Katz: I'll tell you what would be great: if you could get me a cup of coffee with milk. Laura: Oh Dr. Katz, you kill me. Dr. Katz: Seriously, I would appreciate that, a cup ... Very rarely do I ask you to do that, and if you could just do that for me today, it would mean so much to me. Laura: Who says you're a big square nerd with no sense of humor. Dr. Katz: Who says that? Laura: I do.
    • Ben: You know, people take the bus too to work. Dr. Katz: Which people, Ben? Ben: The poor people, Dad. No, I love the poor. Dr. Katz: You are the poor.
    • Dr. Katz: (about figurine Ben is collecting) I don't know, it just seems like a little piece of crap to me, if you'll pardon the expression. Ben: What does this say, Dad? Dr. Katz: 'Genuine', it says 'genuine article'. Ben: Genuine article, I rest my case, okay. It's not a piece of crap. Dr. Katz: So this is not an imitation piece of crap. This is the real ...
    • Ben: Would it be alright if I, uh, borrowed the car today? Dr. Katz: You know I love you. And you know there's only one thing in the world I love more than you: the thing that you're interested in borrowing.
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