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Dr. Katz

Monte Carlo

Season 3, Episode 1, Aired Oct 06, 1996

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- Ben: Did you ever just get nervous when you're, in your line of work? I mean, that you're not doing a good job. Dr. Katz: Oh absolutely, every day I feel that way. Every day I ask myself "Am I a good therapist?" And I've learned to stop asking out loud.
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- Ben: I think I was born to, uh, to not own a business. Dr. Katz: Well in that case, you're doing great.
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- Richard: (relaying a news story) 'A Milwaukee woman has Krazy Glued her husband's butt cheeks together while he was sleeping.' ... I always wondered if they stayed together -- the couple, I mean.
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- Laura: (answering phone) Dr. Katz's office. Ben: Is not. Laura: Is. Ben: No, is not, Laura. I mean, I know you're not, I know I'm not paying your salary, but the least you could do is answer the phone ... (cut off by Laura) (continued) Ben: There's a weird smell in the car, and um, I think it's me.
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- Ben: You know, we broke up, and I haven't spoken to her since. Hard to believe that was 18 years ago, huh. But I bet she'd be surprised to hear that I'm running my own company now. Laura: Wow, that's really fascinating. Ben: You know, there's a lot you don't know about me. Laura: I like that about you.
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- Ben: (to Laura) I was wondering if you could maybe just say 'Pick Ups' when you answer the phone and not play up the whole doctor thing; unless it sounds like a really troubled person.
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- Ben: I gotta get myself orgasmacized. Laura: Okay, that's the kind of thing you don't say.
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- (Ben is setting up shop in Dr. Katz's office) Dr. Katz: And Ben, what's important, most of all, is that my business runs smoothly, without any interference from you. Ben: Dad, that's your problem. Dr. Katz: Well it could become your problem very quickly, young man. Ben: I don't like that tone of voice with me.
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- Ben: I'm happy to give you a ride. I mean: 1. it's my job and 2. it's on my way anyway. Dr. Katz: To? Ben: To your office. Dr. Katz: Where ... Ben: Where I'm going. Dr. Katz: To ... Ben: To do my day's work. Dr. Katz: Which is? Ben: I can't keep talking like this Dad; it's like you had a stroke.
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- Dr. Katz: Hold on one second, Ben, let me play the Devil's advocate here, just for one minute. Ben: No Dad, don't, okay please, I don't like the Devil's advocate thing; you're too good at it. Dr. Katz: What about 'Duck Duck Goose'? Ben: Okay, you got a deal.
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- Dr. Katz: Ben, unless I'm missing something, you're gonna need a car. Am I right? Ben: Got one. Rented one. It's a Monte Carlo -- like the Count. Dr. Katz: That's 'Cristo'. Ben: Like the oil? Dr. Katz: No, that's 'Crisco'.
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