Dr. Katz

Ben: I was kinda thinking about what kind of old man you're gonna be. Dr. Katz: I think I'm gonna be the kind of old man who can kick your ass until the day I die. That's the kind of old man I'm gonna be. Ben: You're certainly not gonna be the distinguished grey type of guy. I was thinking you're gonna be maybe, you're gonna be one of those old guys who, you know, just walks around, bumps into things, until you sit him down.

Ben: You know another bad name for a boat? 'This piece of (beep) gonna sink.'

(on phone) Ben: Laura? Ben, ... Ben Katz, yup, the younger Katz. Laura: The annoying Katz.

Laura: Mr. Gottfried, you're 25 minutes late. Gilbert Gottfried: Twenty-five minutes late! This has never happened to me before! Oh my God, I'm pregnant!

Jim: My dad originally wanted to become a priest, but I knew he didn't have the temperament for it. He'd be like: 'Name of the Father, the son-of-a-bitch, dammit pray.'

Dr. Katz: Remember we used to play 'the next person who gets off the elevator is gonna be your true love? Ben: Right. Dr. Katz: You still in touch with that guy?

(Dr. Katz talks about slowing down his career) Ben: I hate to put a fire under your uh fat ass, but uh, but get up and go to work and make money and then take care of me.

Dr. Katz: Ben, thank you so much, this is a great cup of coffee. Ben: It's yesterday's. It was in the pot.