Dr. Katz

Ben: (on phone) No I love you more. No, no, you are. I love you more. Of course... Don't play this game. Don't, no you're the most fantastic person on the planet. You are! Yes, you're the best. No you, okay, alright. I will, I will. You too... you're the best. You're better... you're better you're better! Hey, alright, do you wanna say 'hi' to uh... right. I love you too. Bye-bye. Dr. Katz: Who was that? Who were you talking too? Ben: Bill collector. Dr. Katz: Now come on, Ben, who was... obviously, it was, was that an old girlfriend? Ben: That was Mom.

Dr. Katz: Well if I said 'hated pool', it was a slip, but it wasn't a Freudian slip. It was a Jungian slip.

(Dr. Katz is upset Laura put his office phone number in her newspaper ad) Dr. Katz: Shouldn't you be getting those calls at your home? Laura: I don't want all those people knowing my home number.

Ben: (on phone looking for a place to live) Uh-huh, on 27 acres, uh-huh good; attached garage, that I like; six bedrooms; sunken living room; dining room; den; maid's quarters.... Sean, let me ask you something: the sunken living room, um, could that be fixed?

Dr. Katz: Okay, look, I was 17-years-old, I couldn't stand living at home anymore. Ben: Here we go. Dr. Katz: And I moved into the first available place. I come home a few nights later, crabs. Yeah, I had crabs from this mattress. Ben: You can't get crabs from a mattress, can you? Dr. Katz: If there's a hooker on it.

Barry: (complaining about California friends not keeping plans) People are really upset. They're all like 'Barry, what the f(beep)k is going on? I'm standing outside the theatre for two f(beep)king hours with my (beep in my hand ... Dr. Katz: You know, I don't like to bleep my patients, Barry.