Dr. Katz

Dr. Katz: Okay Ben look: I have three apples; you have two apples; I give you one apple. Do we now have the same number of apples? Ben: Repeat it one more time. Dr. Katz: See, this is why I should've sent you to a private school.

Ben: You have a new theory ... Dr. Katz: I have a new theory about human intelligence. Ben: Human intelligence? Jeez, that's a whole new concept.

Ben: Are you getting paid? Dr. Katz: I'm getting a small stipend. Ben: A small stipend: what is that? Dr. Katz: It's like a suspender. No, I don't know what a stipend is, but that's the expression they used. I didn't want to start haggling over a thing like that. Ben: To be honest, maybe you should hold out for a bigger stipend. Dr. Katz: Well where would we keep it?

Dr. Katz: They've (adult education school) asked me to talk about theoretical work I've done, and I'm just putting together a little, uh ... Ben: Don't you think at your age, Dad, that you don't have time for theories any more. I think it's time to start having sure things.

Laura: Well, what about the 'recent article' part of the invitation? Dr. Katz: Well you see, recent in this field really means post-Freud. And for your information young lady, my work has been published all over the world in seven different languages. Laura: Well would you like to fax them an article? Dr. Katz: Well unfortunately, English is not one of them.

Laura: Dr. Katz, it's probably a mix-up, but you got an invitation to speak at an adult education class next week.

Dr. Katz: Honestly, I feel a little fraudulent, you know. I don't know if what I have to say is that interesting or if I can sound like an expert on the subject: that's the main thing. Stanley: What you do is, you dazzle 'em with some big psychoanalytical-type words, and by the time they catch on to you -- poof -- you're gone.