Drake: You're kind of a girl, right?
Mindy: ...Well if not, I've been buying the wrong underwear.
Mindy: Tori gets you jealous by dating another boy, right?
Mindy: So, what you gotta do is...?
Drake: ... place a stink bomb in her backpack!
Mindy: No! Do I have to spell it out for you?
Mindy:You date another girl to make Tori jealous!
Drake:Ohh but, what I´d do with the stink bomb?
Mindy: I´ll tell you where to place it!
(Josh starts to run around the couch)
Mindy: What are you doing?
Josh: Running from my desires!
Drake: Running from his desires?
Drake: Hey, Tori.
Josh: (in a very girly voice) Hey, Drake.
Drake: I'm not going to continue if you keep talking like that.
Josh: I´m a woman.
Drake: Yeah? What woman have moustaches besides your Grammy?
Drake: I can't handle it when a girl cries.
Mindy: Sure you can... Now, Josh you're Tori, and you (Drake) are you.
Josh: Oh, I wanted to be Drake!
Tori: (About Liza) What's her last name?
Drake: Oh, John, juh, joh... jumbalaya.
Drake: And she's in the military.
Liza: No, my dad's in the military.
Liza: Can you get me a -
Drake: Aw, they're out of that.
Mindy: (To Megan) Listen, wanna make 30 bucks?
Megan: Keep talking.
Josh: I just woke up, and half of my moustache was gone.
Mindy: Half? (To herself) That girl owes me 15 bucks.
Josh: There are more important things in life than kissing girls.
Drake: Name two.
Josh: I can't!
Mindy: What's this . . why, its my new lip gloss. Mmmmm, apricot, do you like the smell of apricots Josh?
Josh: I say apericots . . .
Mindy: Smell the gloss, Josh
Drake: (sighs) Tori . . .
Tori: You're breaking up with me!?!
Drake: Okay, how did you know that?
Tori: Because guys just dont go "Ah, Tori." unless they're dumping you.
Drake: I wouldn't say I'm dumping you.
Tori: You're not dumping me?
Drake: No, I am, I just wouldn't say it.
Drake: Tori is not my girlfriend. I'm gonna break up with her tomorrow at school.
Josh: How come?
Drake: You heard her call me her boyfriend, something has to be done!
Josh: I like my moushtase, I get more respect.
Gavin: Josh, Helen wants you to go down to the basment and clean out the rat traps.
Josh: See! Helen never let me do that before!
Tori: You're good.
Drake: We also would have accepted extremely good.
Megan: Can I take a few pictures of you?
Megan: It's for a school paper, I'm writing about how facial hair makes some people look "attractive".
Josh: Okay. (Poses)
Megan: . . . . And how it makes others look more stupid.
Mindy: I'm sorry Josh, but I am not kissing you until you shave off that moustache.
Josh: Fine, but I'm not shaving my stash till you kiss me.
Josh: Fine, but know this Mindy Crenshaw, I waited 15 years before kissing a girl, I can wait!
Megan: Good night sweet Josh, sleep tight, little boob.
Drake: You know I gotta tell you, I hate your girlfriend, but her idea to make Tori jealous was pretty smart.
Josh: Not that smart, they've done it on every TV sitcom since 1950.
Drake: Tori? I didn't know you were going to be here!
Tori: Yeah, I'm just here with my friend Brent!
Drake: I'm just here with my friend Hot Liza!
Josh: And for dessert... shaving cream and a razor? (Mindy nods) Guess I'm gonna skip dessert!
Megan: So are you two like dating now?
Josh: I happen to find Mindy very appealing.
Megan: Oh, I understand that, I'm trying to figure out whats wrong in her mind.
Drake: Hey Josh.
(Josh motions at Mindy)
Josh: Mindy's here.
Drake: Right, I'll call the exterminator.
Josh: You hate my stash!
Mindy: Hate is such a strong . . . accurate word.
Mindy: Kidding, I was kidding. I like it.
Mindy: Yeah, I'll give you 30 bucks to shave it off.
Drake: You have more facial hair than Granny has on her upper lip!
Josh: Never make fun of Grammy's hormonal disorders!
Mindy: Josh, why do you have 1/2 a mustache...made of magic marker?
Josh: Ahh I woke up yesterday and half my moustash was just gone.
Mindy: Half? (to herself) That girl owes me 15 bucks.
Mindy: Nothing, go on!
Drake: Oww, oww, oww. Don't say girlfriend.
Drake: Hey Josh... WHAAA!!!!
Josh: Look, you can WHAA all you want. I'm like my 'stache.
Apparently, Drake now has a problem with using the word, "girlfriend," even though he had no problem calling Susan his girlfriend in Season 1.
Drake: You're a girl right?
Ironically, the same exact thing was said to Allison Scaglotti Smith's (who plays Mindy) character on the TV seris Grounded for Life in the episode Racketman.
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