Drake & Josh Season 4 Episode 17

Helen's Grandma: (yelling) Where's the bathroom?
Audrey: Did you just knock down our front door?
Helen's Grandma: I rang the doorbell, waited 25 seconds, what was I supposed to do.
Josh: I don't know maybe ring it again.
Helen's Grandma: Who's the boy with the big head. He looks like a toothpick with a watermelon on top of it.
(Megan laughs and then Josh looks at her)
Megan: What are we going to pretend that wasn't funny.

Eric: Josh, where should I put this microphone?

Drake: How could you sign away creative control of my song?
Josh: I was mesmerized by giant shrimp!

Helen: Who's the dude?
Audrey: This is my husband, Walter.
Walter: We've met, like five times!
Helen: Well, I do not remember you.
Megan: No one does.

Megan: We're decorating cakes for the seventh grade bake sale.
Josh: Why can't you do this in the kitchen?
Megan: Why can't you fall down a well?

Drake: Why is my bed wearing a skirt?
Megan: It's a dust ruffle.
Drake: I hate it.
Megan: Well, if dust ruffles had feelings I'm sure it would hate you too.

Alex Kreim: Drake Parker, you just blew my underpants off!
Josh: Uh-uh.

Audrey: (hears doorbell; talking about Helen and Lula) Walter, they're here.
Walter: Ooh. (walks before the front door)
Megan: Dad, are you sure about this?
Walter: Yes. And we are doing a very nice thing for a sweet old lady. (Lula breaks the door in)
Lula: Where's the bathroom?!
Audrey: Did you just break our door in?!
Lula: I rang the doorbell, waited 25 seconds, no one answered, what I supposed to do?
Josh: You could've rang the doorbell, again.
Lula: (to Helen) Who's that boy with a big head that looks like a tooth pick with a cantaloupe on top? (Megan laughs and Josh give her a mean look)
Megan: What, am I going to pretend that wasn't funny?
Helen: That's Josh, (introduces everyone else) That's Drake, I prefer him. That's Megan, that's Audrey, and this is...(forgets who Walter is)
Walter: Walter!
Lula: Great, now where's the bathroom?!
Audrey: Right through that door.
Lula: Well, thank you for finally giving me that information! (walks into bathroom and slams door)
Audrey: Is she always so-
Helen: Buh-bye! (goes away)
Megan: I can't believe that lady is staying in our guest room for a week.
Walter: No, she's staying in your room.
Megan: What?!
Audrey: You'll be staying in the boys' room.
Drake, Josh and Megan: What?!
Walter: (to Drake and Josh) Your room is huge. All of you will be able to sleep in there for a week.
Lula: Oh, no! (walks out of the bathroom) You guys need a new toilet!

(While playing a game... Helen's grandma rolls the dice and moves the indicated number of spaces...)
Audrey and Walter: Ohhh...
Walter: You're in the dog house!
Lula: (throws the game board in the air) Who's in the dog house now?!

Josh: Stupid shrimp. This is all your fault.
(Takes shrimp, bites it, then spits it out on the ground.)
Josh: Tell your friends!

Crazy Steve: I think of every stain as my father. This is for making me do Mom's laundry!

Drake and Josh: Hey Lula.
Lula: Drink, Juice.
Drake: Did she just call us drink and juice?

Megan: Fine I'll tell him. Josh, Molly thinks you're cute.
Rest of Girls in the room: Eww!
(Josh walks out of the room)
Molly: Call Me!!
Rest of Girls in the room: Eww!
(Josh peeks his head back through the door)

(after Josh and Mindy kiss)
Josh: So, wanna get back together?
Mindy: OK, but I get to be the girlfriend!

Megan:(talking to Drake and Josh) Okay, now leave!
Molly: No, don't make them leave, one of them is cute.

Josh: Rules are the foundation of a gentle society.

Josh: (holding shrimp in someone's face) Have you ever seen one this big?