Duckman Season 1 Episode 5

Cornfed: In fifteen minutes he & his kids are going to attempt an incredibly dangerous stunt where he'll probably plummet to his death on national television if I don't stop him.
Attendant: Got time for a quicky?
Cornfed: Sure, those things never start on time anyway.

Principal: Duckman! You're a half an hour late.
Duckman: And I should be feeling what exactly?

Ajax: We're not even ashamed to be sitting with you when you're picking at your underwear in public.

Duckman: ZOIK! If you ask me she's something of an eyesore.

Duckman: Can it and sell it to someone else Bacon Boy. If I were interested in science I wouldn't have spent all that classroom time at the porno arcade.

Duckman: I've got thrills to seek, deaths to defy, mattress tags to tear off.

Duckman: I'm starting to get the strangest urges.
Bernice: You said you'd see a therapist if those ever came back!!!
Duckman: Not THOSE urges.

Duckman: Wait a minute! Hold it! I gotta think about operations ever since that little appendectomy mishap. Good thing I already had kids.