Mike: I never dreamed of going on vacation with the Jespersons, I came here to be with you.
Phil: Mr. Dobbs, don't be distracted by the wheelchair, focus on our skin colors.
Carol: Do you remember how you felt when I started dating Dennis? It's just weird, that's all.
Shirley (to Phil): Before he came, you were a cold narcissistic cipher. Now you seem almost human.
Mike (about fire): It sustains us yet it could destroy us on a whim.
Mike: Yup, pretty moist there Linda.
Nancy (to Ed, before she lets him babysit): If anything happens to her, I'll make it my life's work to destroy everything you hold dear.
Nancy (about Ed, to Mike): Well, he's no weirder than you are and you're her father.
Featured Music: "Stop Your Sobbing" by The Pretenders
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