Ed

Phil: Say the word and I will Air Force One our asses to Cancun.

Carol (as Ed's psyche): Face it, Ed, there's one fantasy you're not quite ready to part with.

Carol: It's your dream, remember? I just work here.

Eli: Ed just be jackin and jillin over whether to waffle the smoke.

Ed: I'm just a white guy from Ohio, I'm doing the best I can here.

Phil: Mr. Vice President, there is nothing more important than the day a boy becomes a man in the eyes of God.

Ed: Come to bar mitzvahs often?

Shirley (talking about her missing Mexican-jumping bean): It looks like a regular bean but every now and then it bounces in a particularly disappointing way.

Ed: We did not have sex, we did not kiss, we did not hold hands, we simply watched the movie.

Ed Stevens: Once I dream, I will realize I'm dreaming.