Phil's Scheme: Phil wants to have "Christmas on Jupiter" at Stuckeybowl. He plans to have mutant reindeer and a laser-emitting Santa Claus. This idea is show down by Ed. Phil, instead, opens a "Do it with Phil" booth to go against the "Kiss Shirley" booth. He doesn't get a single customer.
Molly: I think I like it better when some jerk does something to me and I get to pretend I'm fine.
Ed: Giving should never hurt. You should just give until it feels good.
Kenny: I can use a hail mary to get me off the naughty list.
Kenny (when Phil switches holiday party themes): How is Saturn any different from Jupiter, you moron?
Nancy: Dahling, do say hello to Papaaaaaaaaah.
Carol (on her decision to sleep with Dennis): My brain keeps screaming, "No, Carol, not Dennis Martino! Danger!"
Ed: I guess it's official. I'm the most hated man in Stuckeyville.
Mike: I'm really starting to get tired of the forehead jokes.
Carol (to Dennis on why they shouldn't worry about kissing): It's skin on skin, that's it. It's nothing to panic about really.
Shirley: I'm still fine tuning the egg to nog ratio.
Molly: Christmas came a little early this year for Carol Vessey.
Molly (on Carol and Dennis' relationship): Ed and I could smell this coming a mile away.
Featured Music: "Ride, Captain, Ride" by Blues Image "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)" by Darlene Love "Happy Days" (TV Theme Song)
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