Ed

Ed (to Carol on his meeting with the Coach): We talked it through, chewed on it, knocked it about, hashed it over, bandied it back and forth.

Phil: Ed, we are hemorrhaging here without Shirley. I beg you to stop your complacency.

Phil: Bosco, I didn't hire her, she's my intern. And that's a win-win situation all the way around, baby!

Mike (while attempting to humiliate Dr. Jerome): Every dog has its day, Dr. Jerome, and today is mine. Yessir, today is mine!

Molly: Albert Einstein was put on this earth to come up with the theory of relativity. Alexander Graham Bell, the telephone. James Louis Kraft individually wrapped slices of cheese. Molly Hudson's great purpose on this earth? Not yet decided, but I can tell you, for sure, what it is not, and that is to be a go-between for the greatest romance of our time: Edward J. Stevens, Carol Phyllis Vessey. Will they? Won't they? They fight! They're friends! Ooooh, what will happen next?

Ed: Number two pencils... you know, if things go really well, we'll bump you up to number three pencils.

Dr. Jerome (humiliating Mike): You don't get to disagree, you knuckle-dragging cretin! I have been a doctor for half a century. You have been a doctor since lunch! I am a man, you are a child! I know everything, you know nothing!

Dr. Jerome (when confronting Mike in his office): What a marvelous piece of craftsmanship! Whoever forged this diploma must really take pride in his work. I mean, it looks just like the real thing!

Warren: While I'm gifted with a natural athletic prowess, my friend Clark is not as fortunate, genetically speaking.

Warren (reassuring Clark that he can trust Carol with his problem): She's cool. I mean, I've hit her with some pretty deep inside the soul type stuff and she's always been rock-n-roll solid with me. And I gotta say, she's opened up to me a few times.

Shirley: Bendy straws make drinking more pleasurable. I'm phasing out the straights.

Shirley (when approaching Ed for a job as a legal assistant): I was ordering Combos yesterday. The pretzels with the cheese in them. And I decided instead to order the pretzels with the peanut butter in them. For a change. But I realized, that change was not enough. I need more.