Ed Season 3 Episode 1

Eli (looking for Ed): Where's the man? Where's Mr. Stuckeyboss?

Phil (claiming Eli isn't paraplegic): Of course you're faking it and you have my eternal respect and admiration.

Dennis (at the midnight duel for Carol): On the count of three, you and I are gonna start pounding the crap out of each other with these cricket bats.

Jack (about Ed and Carol): She's positive she'd screw it up and she doesn't want to risk it.

Jack (on Carol and human nature): People don't take chances like that.

Dennis (who's about to beat up Ed): I'm not going to spend the rest of my life fending off your manipulative, cheap shot, puppy dog moves.

Phil (about Ed): My man Bosco's about to get a good ole fashioned ass chewin'.

Nancy (to Mike, after finding out he has lost $3000 gambling): The only sure thing is you're an idiot.

Phil (after being demoted): Is this because I'm Jewish?

Ed (after Kenny leaves): That, my friend, was proof that you don't know everything about human nature.

Kenny (to Ed, as he leaves): Take care, Chief.

Shirley (watching Kenny leave): I never liked that son of a bitch... I use humor to hide my pain.

Kenny (repeating his great-grandfather's departing words): I'll see 'ya when I see 'ya, unless I see 'ya when I see 'ya.

Kenny (quitting): I've accomplished all I can here. It's time to move on.

Warren (watching Kenny bowl a 300): A chance to witness perfection. Last time I did that, I was doing shirtless sit-ups in the mirror.

Ed (describing his time with Carol): That was a movie kiss, a movie kiss my friend! I was Humphrey Bogart and Cary Grant rolled up into one.