Ed

Ed (to Carol): You came at me with teeth bared, foaming at the mouth, like a rabid badger!

Carol (to Ed): You won't just leave me alone to let me live my life.

Phil (about Ed and Carol): He dressed up as Robin Hood, threw pancakes at her window, and then the two of them went at it like a couple of crazed basset hounds, no?

Ed: I'm going to proceed to pummell Mike with my bare fists till the soul rises from his body, then I'm going to grab his soul by the neck and start giving it open handed slaps...

Jennifer: Ed, you rode to the woman's wedding on a horse, the wedding didn't happen, she's available, and you're doing what exactly?!

Carol (about Ed's gift): It's time for me to get "back in tune." Isn't that so clever it just makes you sick!?

Shirley (planning how to get Ed and Carol alone in Stuckeybowl together): We could slip them a mickey. I don't know what exactly a mickey is, but I do know you slip them to people.

Carol (to Ed): If I'm insane, it's only because you've driven me that way!

Ed: Is the Carol-iron finally hot and if so, should I strike or WAS the Carol-iron hot and I missed striking?

Mike (as Zeus, sentencing Ed and Carol): My fellow Olympians and I have judged you guilty of being enormous pains in the ass.

Carol: When it comes to hackneyed freshman comp symbolism, no one does it like Edward Stevens!

Jennifer (to Ed): There's just not room for you, me, and Mr. Warning Flag.

Ed (eating the sole hot dog, waiting for an apology): Your half's still there, but I'm getting close to midfield.

Ed (to Carol): If I find your mind, I'll return it to you.

Mike: That's when Salty Larry made the biggest mistake of his life. He attempted to reason with the giant squid. The tentacled Lord of the Deep is no logical beast.

Ed: Carol, in my opinion, you and I have only one problem and that problem is you're in love with me but you're too afraid to admit it to yourself.

Carol (to Ed): My honest opinion is you're in love with some ideal version of me that I can't possibly live up to.

Carol (to Ed, about being at the wedding): Of course you were there. You're always there... you never stop! It's been this way ever since you came back to Stuckeyville.