Holmes: What you are describing is not a case, it is a wild goose chase, only at the end of a proper goose chase you get to eat a delicious goose; in this instance, your friend gets to find out that some sweaty Lothario is not the man of her dreams.
Watson: Do you want to help me or not?
Holmes: You are a consulting detective, you are my partner. The work you are describing falls somewhere between photographing philandering spouses and finding a lost cat. I urge you to have some professional pride.