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Matt: The only thing worse than losing the love of your life is having her find the love of hers.
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Eli: I know this is a strange question.
Patti: Like you ask any other kind.
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Matt: I need your breasts.
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Taylor: Your ex-girlfriend's a lesbian?
Matt: Who isn't these days?
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Maggie: Okay, so, we know he owns a surf shack, right. Ah so maybe we can narrow down the candidates by posing as surf journalists, then...
Eli: Town's about a block long Veronica Mars.
Maggie: If you're so smart you find it.
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Matt: Look, I'm representing a chick, who's suing a chick who's represented by a chick. And I just found out that the judge is...
Taylor: A chick?
Matt: Exactly.
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Bea Arthur: (in a "Golden Girls" clip played in the courtroom) Oh, and it's wonderful dating in Miami, where all of the single men under 80 are cocaine smugglers.
Eli: The Golden Girls... it was a great show. You're probably wondering what it has to do with this case. Well, I'll tell you. About as much as much as the footage Mr. Powell just showed you.
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Taylor: What really happened, Eli?
Eli: Just normal stuff. I walked in (to the bathroom) and suddenly I was in Hawaii.
Taylor: It's just like you to go on our honeymoon without me.
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Matt: You can have another baby with someone who loves you. I'm not saying like a couple or anything. I could just donate some of my boys. Heck, if you want I can even do it the old fashion way. I'm truly selfless like that.
Jessica: (choked up) Matt, beneath that frat boy exterior, you are actually very sweet.
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Eli: What is this - multiple choice?
Dr. Chen: Dude, it's not like I have a copy of Prophesy for Dummies lying around here somewhere.