Eli Stone

Judge Marcia Phelps: I hate granting mistrials, Mr. Weathersby. (Jordon prepares to object) Almost as much I hate unfair trials. Matt: If you declare a mistrial, your honor, Jayson can't be tried again. It's double jeopardy. Sweren: It doesn't apply in the case of a mistrial. Keith: It does when the mistrial arises out of prosecutorial misconduct. (Gestures toward Sweren) He's been dead-set on winning this any way he can. Sweren: Court may grant you qualified immunity against a slander suit but that doesn't mean I won't file one. Judge Marcia Phelps: You boys want to take a ruler to the men's room and measure yourselves, fine, but keep it out of my court room. I want to talk to Carly Turk. Then I'll make my decision.

(After confronting Jayson Turk about plotting with his wife to have his trial declared a mistrial) Keith: Rules are for other people, right?

Eli: Is this about Solinsky? Patti: It's about your representing that scum-sucking lizard. Eli: Well, if it bothers you so much, why didn't you say something? Patti: Like what? That you're lower than Dick Cheney's bunion to be his lawyer?

Patti: Objection! Condescending. Eli: It was not! Patti: I have been a legal secretary ever since you were an itch in your daddy's pants. I know an objectionable question when I hear one.

Dr. Chen: Lie down. Eli: Is it needle time? I love needle time. Dr. Chen: You're never allowed to call it needle time again.

Eli: (confessing) Patti... sometimes I have visions of the future. Patti: Am I being 'punked'... is that cute Ashton Kutcher gonna jump out here? (straightening her clothes and posture) I hear he appreciates the 'mature' woman.

Eli: Hey... what's going on? Maggie: Umm, let's see. Another 'celebutante' got photographed getting out of her car without her panties on, and I think... Eli: (interrupting) No, I mean with you.

Eli: C'mon, Patti. An earthquake hits and you only have time to save one thing. What do you pick? Patti: A heavy, blunt object to hit you with.

Eli: (after Maggie believes him about an upcoming earthquake) I told my brother. I told Patty. Taylor. None of them believed me. You didn't even hesitate. You know, you're pretty amazing.