Elvira's Movie Macabre

Episode 23

The Turn of the Screw

Aired Saturday 8:00 PM Unknown on
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Episode Summary

The Turn of the Screw
The new governess at a country estate begins to see ghosts. Are they real or is she mad? A Dan Curtis production. "Hello, darlings, come in and welcome to Thrillervideo. Yes, it`s little ol` me. That gal with the figure that keeps getting bigger, Elvira, Mistress of the Dark." Jane Cubberly in clip from movie: "You vile, miserable woman!" "Hey, let`s not start name calling, fatso! Oh, that was the producer`s wife. She accuses me of getting this job by sleeping with the producer. Let me just set the record straight! I did not get any sleep at all!" "Anyway, darlings, I am so glad to see you again. Did you miss me bunches? Yeah, I know. In this outfit, I`m kinda hard to miss. Seems like no matter where I go, I always stand out in a crowd." "Speaking of standing out...Ah, is that a frog in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" Miles in clip from movie: "Only a frog, my dear." "Yeah? Well, it looks more like a tadpole to me. (Laughs) Oh, touche`, Elvira, touche`. Chalk up another one for the Mistress of the Dark." "Hey, kid, what am I up to now?" Miles in clip from movie: "4,016, isn`t that right?" "Right! and I`m sure I`ll be chalking up a few more before the movie`s over. Speaking of movies, let`s see what you picked in the form of entertainment tonight. Ooooh! You picked The Turn of the Screw. The Turn of the Screw? Boy, what a weird title. But, you know, I can sort of identify `cause I`ve turned a few screws my own darned self. Or is it the other way around? Well, anyway, here it is, The Turn of the Screw. See you at intermission." Just before intermission, the ghost of Peter Quint is walking up the stairs towards Jane Cubberly. "She should have thrown a bottle of Coppertone at that guy. Why, he was as pale as a ghost! Which makes a great deal of sense because, like, he is a ghost. I guess they don`t have tanning salons on the other side." (laughs) "But, old Peter Quint was a fun-loving rogue when he was alive, wasn`t he?" Mrs Grose in clip from movie: "He drank, caroused, took liberties." "Yep, he was your basic eighteenth century party animal. And it looks like little Miles is following in his footsteps. That kid is quite a little maniac, isn`t he?" Jane Cubberly in clip from movie: "He`s quite." "Yeah, sure, everybody can see that! Ah, that is everybody except his little frog. Now that was really sick! I mean, even by my standards which are practically non-existent. I tell ya, that stuff is eventually gonna catch up to him. Caught up with little Flora. She once poked a frog in the rearend and look what happened." Clip of Flora from movie: Her bustle causes her rearend to stick way out. "Whoa, is that a big butt or what?! Oh, God, you could carry drinks on that thing! Anyway, let`s get back to The Turn of the Screw. Unfortunately, I have a feeling things are gonna take a turn for the worse." Just before the end credits role: "Don`t go away, darling, I`ll be back quicker than you can say, Boo!" After the credits. "Well, there you have it. Another happy ending. I`m sorry! I`m sorry! That`s right, she`s about the sorriest excuse for a babysitter I have ever seen! She pushed the kid down the stairs and all she has to say is I`m sorry! Well, I`m sorry but I`m sorry just does not cut it! Can`t you think of anything else to say? I mean, what you did was dreadful!" June Cubberly in clip from movie: "How dreadful?" "How dreadful? Like, like real dreadful. I mean, so dreadful that that`s the last prank Master Miles is ever going to pull!" June Cubberly in clip from movie: "Nonsense, he`s faking!" "He is? Hey, Miles baby, you really okay?' Miles in clip from movie: "Yes." "Good! (laughs) `Cause I have a couple of questions I want to axe you. But, I want you to tell me the truth, okay?" Miles in clip fom movie: "Ask me anything. You`ll have your truth." "Okay! Oh, boy, now we are gonna get the real juicy gossip. Now, exactly what kind of kinky, lustful acts did you see Peter Quint and Mrs Jessell do?" Miles in clip from movie: "I`m not going to repeat them to you, dear, if that`s what you`re after." "Oh, rats! Oh, well, sorry gang, I tried. Guess your just gonna have to get your thrills from the other thrilling movies from Thrillervideo. Check them out, dudes." Trailer for Alabama`s Ghost is shown. "And remember, I`ll be doing my hostess schtick on each and every one of them. Until then, this will have to hold ya." She blows a kiss to the camera. "And unpleasant dreams."moreless

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