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Johnny "Drama" Chase
Ari: Ok, I want you to go to each of these agents, discretely, and say the words "Tsetse fly"...
Lloyd: [mouthing] Tsetse fly.
A Tsetse fly is a disease carrying insect found in sub-Saharan Africa. It is the name given to any member of the species Glossina.
Ari: Come on. Baby. This is our song. You are my life. Now I'm not going in that house until you dance with me, right now. Come on.
Mrs. Ari: Music's gone, Ari.
Ari: That's weird, but I can still feel it!
(drunkenly shouting to his wife on their lawn)
Ari: You know what? I haven't stopped thinking about you. Baby, you're my everything!
Mrs. Ari: Lloyd, what the hell is wrong with him?
Lloyd: He's in love, is all! Good night!
Turtle: They rented Brian's Song, E!
E: I heard you. What do you want me to do?
Drama: The ultimate guy-cry movie.
Turtle: He cries in front of her, shows her he's sensitive, bang! he moves right in.
Drama: Yeah. His tears will basically act as a lubricant.
(shouting out the window of Lloyd's car)
Ari: My life is over!
Lloyd: You will bounce back, Ari Gold!
Ari: I drove to work in an eighty-thousand dollar Mercedes. I'm driving home in a prop car from The Fast and the Furious. I just don't see it.
(being confronted by Terrence)
Ari: No one needs to make a decision right now. I will be starting my own agency. Two very important goals will apply. To make everyone who is in at the ground floor rich, and to burn this motherfucking place to the ground.
Blockbuster Clerk: I saw you on Celebrity Justice. You busted up that guys car with a golf club.
Drama: That was on CJ? Sweet!
Davies: Right, the Hamlet. 'Cause nobody who works in this business would ever be caught dead eating there.
Ari: exasperated You know what, Davies? You better lock down some really good clients.
Vince: seeing Turtle and Drama leave suddenly for the second time that day. Where are they going?
E: Uh... another Saigon meeting. You know how hard it is to get a rapper to sign a contract.
Vince: Those fuckers never say good-bye.
Drama: You see? There's one head right there, and there's another one right there.
Vince: I don't see anything, Johnny.
Drama: Right there!
Turtle: If you look straight down, you can almost see that there's two hands and they're almost holding.
Terrence: I've always been fair with you.
Ari: You were being fair when you said you were leaving. You coming back, now, is not fair, to me. Not now.
E: Ari, I'm at Sloan's right now. You want me to ask her something?
Ari: You're with her now? Why the fuck didn't you say so? I don't want you asking her anything. I don't want you to say anything about this. Forget we had this conversation... Does she already know we're having this conversation?
E: Ari, what's going on?
Ari: Nothing, nothing, it's all good, I'll call you back.
E: Stop looking at me like that. I'm telling you.
Sloan: Telling me what? You have some unique skill I don't know about?
Sloan: Hmm. What does my body language say?
E: That we might not be making it out to lunch today?
E: You better forget gold and check out something that's silver, Drama.
Drama: No, bro. Silver doesn't read on my skin.
Lloyd: Ari, I've worked 18 hours a day to save up the money to put myself through Stanford Business School. While I was there, I cleaned the cafeteria during hours I wasn't studying and still graduated top of my class. Only to take a job delivering mail to unappreciated overpaid little cocksuckers, then to finally get the big promotion that would allow me to answer your phones and be both racially and sexually harassed for the next nine months. But I know the endgame, and you, Ari Gold, you are it! So stop your fucking whining and go into your gorgeous three million dollar house, with your beautiful goddess wife, and figure out how you're going to make both of our lives happen tomorrow!
Ari: That was a good speech Lloyd. Man if I was 25 and liked cock, we could be something.
(Ernesto the valet won't bring Ari his car)
Ari: Ernesto, how many fucking pesos did I give you for Christmas. Huh, Ernesto? Every Christmas for the past decade? Half of Mexico is eating on the tips I've given you. Now bring my motherfucking car now, por favor!
Ernesto: Sorry, Mr. Gold, I can't do it. Oh and Mr. Gold, I'm from Guatemala, and our currency is the quetzal.
Adam Davies: You should be a nicer person. Maybe then people wouldn't screw you.
Ari: You talked, Davies? (Davies shrugs) Hey Adam.
Adam Davies: Yes Ari?
Ari: Just so you know, your girlfriend when she was in the mailroom, she offered to blow me. True story.
Ari: Lloyd, are you with me? (Lloyd hesitates) Lloyd, what are you doing? You and me we have a special bond. Come on let's go.
Lloyd: Ari, swear to me that will never again say anything offensive to me about my race or sexual orientation.
Ari: I can't swear to that, but I promise I will always apologize after.
Ari: Lloyd pack up all my files. Pile everything you see into a box. Everything! You see a used condom, an executioners mask, and a goddamned spiked paddle don't think just pack that bitch. Chop Suey!
Ari: No emails. No faxes. No phone calls. No nothing, Lloyd. Simply silence, Lloyd.
Ari: Silence Lloyd! It's golden.
Turtle: So who's going to lead this thing?
Eric: I told you, I am. You guys don't even need to be here.
Drama: I'm his brother E.
Eric: And I'm his best friend.
Turtle: Is that official?
Turtle: I always thought that me, you and Vince were best friends. I didn't know that you two were better friends than me and him. Or that you and him are better friends than me and you.
Eric: Whatever Turtle. You want to tell him? Tell him.
Turtle: No, the guy always kills the messenger. Never kills the best friend of the messenger.
Ari: Lloyd! This envelope contains the name of eight agents. Anyone catches you, you eat it, comprende? Nod if you understand what I'm saying.
Lloyd: I understand.
Ari: You can't just fucking nod? Lloyd, I want you to pledge your undying loyalty to me.
Ari: Listen Lloyd. Do you want to make it? Or do you want to fold shirts at a Chinese laundry? Now pledge.
Lloyd: I pledge my undying loyalty to you.
Ari: Okay. Now I want you to go to each of these agents, discreetly, say the words "tsetse fly." Say nothing else. Now go.
Lloyd: Ari are you leaving the agency?
Ari: Shhh! Silence is fucking golden.
Lloyd: Mr McQuewick's on the phone. He'd like to speak to you.
Ari: To apologize? Send him down?
Lloyd: He wants you to come up?
Ari: He won't come down?
Lloyd: He asked me to send you up.
Ari: He asked you to send me up. Did you tell him that don't send me anywhere? Did you tell him that no one sends me anywhere in this fucking agency? Did you tell him that I send myself where I want?
Lloyd: No, I just said okay.
Ari: You tell him to come down.
(Lloyd leave, makes a phone call and then returns)
Lloyd: He'd like to speak with you
Ari: You see that Lloyd? No surrender. (Ari picks up the phone) Terrance, how are you?.
Terrance: Ari, get your ass up here!
Terrance: All right, let's cut to the chase. I miss this place. I miss the excitement. I miss the action. I'm coming back full time.
Ari: Muhammad Ali came back once too often too, Terrance.
Turtle: What the f*ck are you taking pictures of?
Drama:What do you mean? Them. This way, when Vince goes into denial about it, it's proof.
Turtle: You don't think he'll believe us?
Drama: (now serious and demure) Nobody ever wants to believe you're being two-timed, Turtle.
Turtle: How many times have you been cheated on?
Drama: (pauses, shakes his head) Too many, Turtle. Too many.
Drama: (as him and Turtle tail Mandy and her ex-fiance) Back off a little, you're too close.
Turtle: I'm two cars back, what do you want from me?
Drama: Always keep two-fifths of a block between you and your subject.
Turtle: Oh, what, have you done this before, Drama?
Drama: (a little flustered) Too many times, Turtle. Too many times.
Terrance: Ah, Ari, good of you to join us. When did the rules change though?
Ari: I'm not sure what rule you're referring to, but I'm sure there has been some slight adjustments in the last three years since you last attended a staff meeting.
Terrance: Well, nobody's ever been allowed to enter a staff meeting late. No one.
Ari: (raises his eyebrows, surprised)
Terrance: No exceptions. Move along, Ari.
Ari: (still surprised, leaves the room)
Drama: The question you gotta ask yourself is, E, are we family?
Turtle: Yeah, E, are we family?
Vince: What are we if we're not family?
Drama: Just four guys who are a little too old to still be living together.
Eric: Yeah, and one guy who's way too old.
Drama: (looking at his new watch) It's 7:35 A.M. in Senegal.
Turtle: That's great, Drama.
Drama: And 7:53 in Tikrit.
Eric: Minutes don't change, Drama. Only the hour.
Drama: Yeah, like you've ever been to Tikrit.
Turtle: You know, in the old country everybody gets a taste of a big score.
Eric: Well, I'm Irish Turtle.
Turtle: Well, I'm not. And this broke guinea wants to wet his beak a little.
Drama: Yeah, that's what happens at Gucci -- buy a pair of shoes and they let you fuck your ex-fiancee.
Julian Farino was nominated for the 2006 DGA Award for Outstanding Directorial Achievement in a Comedy Series. Doug Ellin was also nominated for the 2006 Emmy Award for Outstanding Writing in a Comedy Series for his work on this episode.
The guys wait for Vince to join them for breakfast... and wait.
2327 Main Street
Santa Monica, CA 90291
Drama and Turtle track down Saigon.
5877 Rodeo Road
West Los Angeles, CA 90016
"Hysteria" by Muse
"Problem" by Seth Marcel
"Back Then" by Mike Jones
"Monkey Man" by The Rolling Stones
"Love for Brian (from Brian's Song)" by Michel Legrand
"Reunited" by Peaches & Herb
"For Once in My Life" by Stevie Wonder
Chris and Mandy rent Brian's Song, which Turtle and Drama watch later. Brian's Song is a made-for-TV movie from the '70's about two football players who form a close bond despite their different races. In the end, one of them dies from cancer.
Ari calls Lloyd's car a "prop car from The Fast and the Furious." The Fast and the Furious is a movie about underground street racing.
Turtle is wearing a McDonald's All-American team jersey, number 21, which says Garnett on the back. Kevin Garnett played for the Minnesota Timberwolves at the time the episode was filmed, and currently plays for the Boston Celtics.
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