ER Season 9 Episode 11

Luka: I killed him.
Abby: The patient isn't dead.
Romano: Did anyone ever bother to verify that there are medical schools in Croatia? Anyone?

(doing an ultrasound on herself)
Kerry: I can't find a heartbeat.

(Anastasia has just erased the patient board)
Jerry: Why did you do this?
Anastasia: Ergo, God.
Chen: Ergo, Ritalin. Your blood test says you're on Ritalin. You took it for the math competition?
Anastasia: These numbers, discovered in different cultures in different centuries all add to zero. Proving the universe is perfect. Proving the existence of God.
Lewis: Hey, I can't even prove I paid my gas bill.
Chen: Jerry just... get the charts and put all the names back up.
Jerry: Make her do it.
Anastasia: Alphabetical, geographical or chronological?
Jerry: Alphabetical's good.

Kovac: I had made a series of critical errors... About the only thing I didn't do was put a plastic bag over the guy's head and hit him with a brick!

Chen: Abby have you ever heard of an electroejaculator?
Jerry: You just like saying that word.
Abby: No, but I had an instant-ejeculator once. Tommy Reynolds, tenth grade.

Carter: Well we work as a team. We cover for each other. We lean on each other. The job is too big to do solo. And if you can't get that, maybe you should be a surgeon, or a superhero, or something else that doesn't require trusting people.
Pratt: I've never been big on trust.
Carter: You know what that turns into? Nobody trusts you either. Self-sufficiency is a good thing, but it's not the only thing. Asking for help when you need it doesn't make you weak.

Man: I'm an electroejaculation technician.
Carter: Your parents must be very proud.

Mr. Gilman: (after Gallant catches him and Coco trying to have relations) I want my Viagra!
Gallant: Only if you want to die with an erection.

Abby: And when's the last time you had a tetanus shot?
Dr. McNulty: October... 1949.

Mr. Gilman: (whispering to Gallant) When can I bang her?
Kayson: What did he say?
Gallant: He wants to know when he might be able to (clears throat) have sex.
Coco: We're trying to have a baby.
Kayson: (to Coco) Uh-huh. (to Mr. Gilman) When you can walk up two flights of stairs without getting winded, (pauses) go for it.

Romano: (to Luka, after he spoke with Mrs. Kendrick) If I see you with this patient's family again, you're fired.

Romano: What are you doing? Holding your own private M & M with the kid's [Rick Kendrick] mother.
Luka: She wanted to know how her son died.
Romano: One word: peacefully. And leave it at that.
Luka: She deserves to know.
Romano: What? What, the truth? The truth is you killed her son. You want to tell her that?

Lewis: Whoa, whoa. Where are you going? What are you doing?
Anastasia: Wow. Your face is so beautiful. Is it square? I never know what they mean when they say "square face." Obviously, it's not true mathematically, but I think your face is quadrate enough to be called a square.
Chen: Sorry. She's one of my Mathletes. Anastasia, you're going to have to go over there and sit with the rest of the team.
Lewis: "Mathlete"?
Chen: Yeah, she's on the math team. They compete in math tournaments.
Susan: Ah, yeah. We used to call them "geeks." What's she on?
Chen: Tox screen hasn't come back yet.
Anastasia: How many cubic inches in the ER?
Lewis: Is, uh, my face square?

Paramedic: Mr. Gilman complained of chest pain and shortness of breath during sex with his wife.
Weaver: (incredulous) Sex with his wife?