ER Season 10 Episode 7

Neela: Excuse me, Dr. Romano. May I speak with you privately?
Romano: You're already my favorite, you want people to talk?

Romano: (to Abby) Ah, the Helen Keller of County. I hear you missed a skull fracture today. Keep it up, you'll be back to 'code browns' in no time.

Luka: (About Mr. Presky's perforated appendix) He was given discharge instructions and came back as directed. The system worked.
Corday: Oh, for you, maybe. But he'll be subjected to a riskier surgery and I'll miss dinner with my daughter. Score one for your bloody mission.

Pratt: Dr. Romano, you got a minute?
Romano: I've got ten patients of my own and six med students I'm avoiding like the plague. You think it looks like I have a minute?
Pratt: I need you to do a rape kit.
Romano: I didn't see anything on the board.
Pratt: Came in with a knife wound, he didn't tell us at first.
Romano: 'He'?
Pratt: The prisoner you gave me earlier? He has some rectal bleeding.
Romano: Oh. Well, you go ahead. I'll sign off on it.
Pratt: No. Per legal, an Attending's supposed to do all rape exams.
Romano: It'll be our little secret.
Pratt: Hey, wait a minute! Wait a minute! You're always all over me for this, that, and the other protocol, and now you want me to do a procedure which requires me-
Romano: What, are you all of a sudden Mr. By the Book? This is not a stretch for you, Pratt. Just do it. Break the rules, you're good at it.

Mr. Persky: I thought you said it was appendicitis?
Luka: Not if you can stomach that much hospital food.

Susan: Nice assessment.
Neela: Thanks.
Abby: You never compliment me like that.
Susan: Like what?
Abby: "Nice assessment".
Susan: I do.
Abby: No, you don't.
Susan: ...I don't?
Abby: No.
Susan: I give you my time which is the highest form of a compliment.

Romano: Okay, here's a real time-waster: transport from Gelden. Stable twelve year old hemonker with fever.
Corday: Is that the community hospital on the east side?
Romano: Yeah, otherwise known as a glorified doc-in-a-box. Who's expendable? (turns to Abby) Well, you are, but since you're neither fish nor fowl, you're useless even on a mindless transport.
Corday: Robert.
Romano: Ah, eureka. Our affirmative action hero (Gallant) and our sultry hand thief. (Sam) Go with God, but more importantly, just go.
Sam: My kid's here and I don't have a sitter.
Romano: Oh and that's my problem, how?
Luka: The nurses can take care of him in the lounge until you get back. Right, Chuny?
Chuny: Sure, no problem.
Romano: Okay, fine. That's settled. Ebony and Ivory can go off into the sunset and maybe the rest of us can get a little work done around here without being stared at.
Susan: (to Abby about Romano) I don't think his mom loved him very much.

Sam: You okay?
Ben Hollander: Me? Oh yeah. Blind, getting blinder every day. Life is good.

Frank: (Romano has a different attachment to replace the hand Susan hid) What happened to your other gizmo?
Susan: It's being punished for being naughty.
Romano: Yeah. Enough fun and games, where is it?

Ben Hollander: I could do without smelling dog poop again or stepping in it.
Susan: Housebreaking not going so well?
Ben Hollander: No, it's fine. And thanks.
Susan: For what?
Ben Hollander: The dog. He laughs at all my jokes, licks my feet. I think I'm in love.

Romano: Hey, Abby. Guy over here needs a foley. Oh, oh, wait. I'm sorry, you're playing doctor today. Okay, nevermind. I'll find a nurse who's not kidding herself. (turns and sees Sam) Here's one now. Mom, right? Uh, there's good news and bad news: the bad news is my enlarged prostate guy needs a tube shoved up his urethra. The good news is he gets to have you in his penis.
Susan: (to Romano) I absolutely positively have to take my lunch hour today; I'm being audited.
Romano: I didn't know we paid you enough to get audited.
Susan: You don't.

Romano: (Sees Sam's son Alex sitting on the desk) Hey! Teen mom, newsflash: This is not daycare, okay? Eighty-six the love child and stop tying up the phone lines.
Sam: (to Alex) The next time you decide to put a marker on your face, can you do it before school so I can get a sitter?
Alex: That means I can stay here?
Sam: Only until I can find one. Now, go to the lounge and do something normal, like homework.

Chen: (Romano's robotic hand grabs Chen's ass) Hey!
Romano: It's an electrical malfunction.
Chen: Only on women?
Romano: It happens!

(after Sam talks to Luka about her kid)
Abby: What was that all about?
Luka: Over protective mother. (pause) Still on surgical rotation?
Abby: No, I start my ER rotation today.
Luka: Welcome home!

(after taking Romano's robotic hand)
Sam: I've got a rule against ass grabbing.
Susan: That's a good rule.

Romano: (to Gallant) I just finished your eval. You'd better practice these words: paper or plastic?

Pratt: All right. So what did I miss?
Romano: Your calling as a hoodlum. Here. Prison stabbing. That ought to be right up your alley.

Pratt: Hey. What the hell you doing here?
Morris: Working.
Pratt: I thought you quit.
Morris: Oh, my dad wouldn't let me. Said he'd pull the money plug if I didn't see this thing through.
Pratt: This thing, meaning a career in medicine?
Morris: Yeah.

(Sam removes the hand on Romanos prosthetic arm after it grabs her ass)
Susan: What are you doing?
Sam: He just grabbed my ass! Here, takes this to church and have it exorcised. (hands Susan the hand and walks away)
Romano: That's right, you keep walking! Right up to the nursing directors office, 'cause by the time you get there, there'll be a pink slip waiting for you.
Sam: Good! Give me plenty of time to file my sexual harassment lawsuit!
Romano: (to Susan) Do you mind?
Susan: Yes I do. You can have it back by the end of the day if you learn to behave!
Romano: Give me my damned hand back!

Alex: What's a prolapsed rectum?
Lewis: Shouldn't you be reading Harry Potter or something?

Romano: Times up, where's my hand?
Lewis: It's in the women's bathroom in the tampon machine. Get it yourself.

Romano: (to Susan) Pratt is a rabid dog that needs to be taken outside and shot before he infects the rest of the staff.

Romano: HEY, do I have to remind you I'm in charge here?
Lewis: You'll have to convince me first.

Susan: You can only take so much of the blame, you didn't give her cancer
Gallant: Then why don't I feel any better