ER Season 9 Episode 18

Romano: Is there some prerequisite for working here? You have to be a know-nothing, drag-ass who doesn't wear a watch? I always suspected Weaver would kill her own mother to get out of this dung heap and now I know why: because apparently, only the Chief of Emergency Medicine is concerned with clearing the board.

Romano: (to Gallant) Listen, okay Goofus? I'm the doctor, you're not-
Gallant: You know what? It seems to me that if your intention is to-
Romano: My intention is to serve out my time in this hell hole without having affirmative action imbeciles like you make me regret having ever gone into medicine.

Corday: Where's Dr. Woo?
Carter: She...left. (due to Romano being mean)
Romano: You need to teach your residents to have thicker skin, Lizzie.
Abby: She only cried a little. Pratt's consoling her.

Romano: (to Carter, about Gallant) They're letting any bottom feeder with a check into med school these days?
Carter: Actually, Gallant is one of our best med students.
Romano: Well, that doesn't bode well for the future of emergency medicine. But maybe by the time he gets his licence, we'll all be dead.

Gallant: (Referring to his patient) She's also diabetic and her EKG-
Romano: Is entirely unnecessary. Give her a sub liter of Nifedipine and send her to clinic.
Gallant: Yeah, but that's not-
Romano: Are you filling some sort of special needs quota here, Mr. Gallant? You want me to say it slowly in the language of your people? (as someone who is mentally retarded) Sub liter Nifedipine. And when you're done with her, pick up six more. She's your patient, not your mother.

Pratt: (Pratt catches a scalper soliciting at an ER payphone, throws pills at him) Here. Take two Tylenol every four hours and get a real job.

Romano: (Addressing the staff at the Admit desk) For anyone late for his or her shift, be advised that I am now in charge of this human cesspool. Say goodbye to the warm fuzzies of the Weaver Era and hello to the age of efficiency and cost-effectiveness. Future tardiness will result in a docked pay check and/or letter to file and once you do get to work on time, you will treat, you will street, and you will do so as quickly as humanly possible. Any questions? Didn't think so.

Chen: (Getting coffee outside the hospital) Whoo! At times like this, I wish I practiced in Florida.
Pratt: Nah, it's too humid. Plus, you'd miss me.
Chen: Ha! Well, I wouldn't miss the wind chill.

Romano: Romano sees Gallant pushing a patient in a wheelchair) What are you doing?
Gallant: I'm taking Mrs. Scott to x-ray.
Romano: That's what orderlies are for. Park granny and go help someone drain an abscess.
Gallant: Yeah, but I got-
Romano: You're a med student! You're not doing 'scut', you're not doing squat!

Romano: Who supplies the nurses' scrubs?
Abby: Allied.
Romano: Switch to Linderman's; they hug booty better.

Romano: Hey, Green card! I want all your performance evaluations by day's end.
Luka: Why?
Romano: I want something to read while I'm on the can. Why do you think, Igor? You're on my hit list.

Kid: What happened to your arm?
Romano: Are you physically incapable of keeping your mouth shut?
Kid; Were you born that way or something?
Romano: None of your beeswax.

Lewis: Brand new leather gloves [stolen] out of my locker.
Luka: Real leather?
Lewis: Yeah. Why?
Jerry: Animals died to make them.

Romano: Hey you! Where are your parents?
Kid: I don't have any. They died in a car crash last year.
Romano: Bummer.

Romano: Tell Lewis to gag him, sedate him, or kill him!
Chuny: ...she's on break.

Elizabeth: So, how's it going down here?
Susan: Want to hear something scary? I miss Weaver.

Romano: Get rid of this coffee machine in here! You losers can pay for your own java!!!

Jerry: You can, however, fire care partners.
Romano: What the hell's a care partner?
Jerry: It's like a non-union orderly.
Romano: You! What's your name?
Orderly: Jim.
Romano: You pay union dues, Jim?
Orderly: No.
Romano: Good. You're fired.

(Luka, Carter and Abby are in the elevator)
Luka: Should be interesting, Romano in charge. (pause) Seen any movies lately? (pause)
Carter: Nope.
Luka: Try that sushi place by the pier yet?
Abby: No.
Luka: It's good. (pause) Long time now... That you've been together, a year?
Carter: Almost.
Luka: That's nice.
(elevator door opens)

Lukaism: Listen, I didn't mean to be nosy before. Just making a little talk.
Abby: Small talk.

Romano: If you take much longer you're going to be sewing scabs. I love watching med students suture; reminds me of how good I am.
Gallant: Was.
Romano: What did you say?
Patient: He said "was."
Romano: (to Gallant) Loose stools in Exam 4. Knock yourself out.

Romano: (shouting at Carter) This is my ER now. Everyone's replaceable. Even you!

Weaver: All right, which one of you smartasses stole my crutch?

Romano: (to Luka) If you want to chew the fat with the peasants back home, dial 10-10-Call the Third World.