ER Season 10 Episode 8

Chuck: After Susan kisses him) I should fake my death more often. I knew it.
Susan: What?
Chuck: That we'd end up together tonight.
Susan: This is your idea of a hot date?
Chuck: Yeah, yeah. It's dark, all the nurses are busy...
Susan: You just had your spleen removed.
Chuck: You know what they say: When you lose an organ, the other ones get stronger.

Abby: (covering a night nursing shift after her all-day med student rotation) I'm gonna need a massive amount of caffeine if I'm gonna to make it to sunrise.

Susan: Too bad it takes a disaster to whip this place into shape.

Severa: (hurt her hand) I fell to my hand.
Pratt: You lifted patients like that?
Severa: Yes, Doctor.
Pratt: Man, you are one tough muchacha.
Severa: Yes, Doctor.

Coop: (Writing a patient a prescription) This is for painkillers.
Patient: Keep them. After ten years of marriage, I'm immune to pain.

Romano: Ladies, please. Let me settle this cat fight. Abby, you're wrong.
Abby: We were discussing uterus-sparing procedures.
Romano: On an HIV-positive woman? Why?
Coburn: Yeah, thank you, Robert. I can handle this.
Abby: She wants to have a baby!
Romano: Well, maybe this is God's way of saying "bad idea".
Abby: With a low viral load, transmission rate is less than three percent.
Romano: Uh huh and the kid will be motherless by age ten.

Luka: This is ridiculous. We have no beds, no staff, and we're doing the work of the entire hospital.
Sam: Yep. Welcome to my world.

Romano: You and I are meeting with Anspaugh and Weaver at the end of your shift.
Pratt: On Thanksgiving?
Romano: That's right.
Pratt: I guess this saves you from spending it alone.

Romano: (Patient Morgan Westbrook) That guy is the biggest real estate developer in Chicago.
Pratt: Yeah, more like the biggest prick.
Romano: Now when you get a VIP patient, sometimes-
Pratt: You treat 'em the same as anybody else! He's not stable.
Romano: Well, if he has no solid organ injuries, I say he is stable.
Pratt: Well, then you're making a big mistake. He could have ongoing hemorrhage.
Romano: My only mistake was continuing to allow you to practice medicine, Pratt.
Pratt: Wait a minute. You're willing to compromise patient care just so you can suck up to some rich guy?
Romano: No. We will determine objectively if he's able to be transferred and if he is-
Pratt: I'm not signing any transfer papers!
Romano: Well, you don't have to because you're no longer on the case.
Pratt: Oh, great. Then my name won't be mentioned in your malpractice suit when he bleeds to death.
Romano: Yeah and as far as I'm concerned, you no longer work here.
Pratt: Right.
Romano: No. I'm serious, Pratt. You just pissed me off for the last time.

Abby: You're HIV-positive?
Loren: Yeah, for ten years. Never shared a needle, no blood transfusions, just a loser boyfriend with too many chicks on the side.

Frank: (finds an old disposable camera) Couple of shots left. What do you figure's on there?
Pratt: Might be Romano and Weaver in a compromising position.
Frank: I'll get double prints, then. Just in case.

Luka: So Romano humiliated you?
Abby: I looked like an idiot.
Luka: He does that to everyone.

Abby: I've seen beta blockers work before.
Romano: Oh. I'm sorry, I forgot: you have nursing experience which means that you can handle ninety percent of the patients. Unfortunately, it also means you might kill the other ten percent.

Mrs. Marshall: The nurse never came with my medicine.
Abby: That's okay. I'm your nurse now.
Mrs. Marshall: I thought you were my doctor.
Abby: That was this morning. Now I'm your nurse.
Mrs. Marshall: This is a very strange hospital.
Abby: Tell me about it.

(discussing a camera found in the ER)
Frank: Couple of shots left. What do you figure's on there?
Pratt: Might be Romano and Weaver in a compromising position.
Frank: I'll get double prints then, just for kicks.

Susan: Can you take one for the team?
Abby: No.

(about Morris)
Corday: Is he squeamish?
Pratt: No, just stupid.

Anspaugh: Where is Robert?
Weaver: I thought he was upstairs in the OR with you.
Anspaugh: I thought he was down here with you!

(referring to the marijuana, which only Morris knows about)
Patient: What about this other stuff?
Morris: You don't need it. Just say no.
Gallant: To what?
Morris: Altar boys.

Luka: What's that?
Frank: Turducken; chicken stuffed inside of a duck stuffed inside the turkey. Want a taste?
Neela: Maybe later...

Frank: Hey, chow line's open.
Romano: I think you forgot something.
Frank: What's that?
Romano: Emesis basins.

Chuny: Abby, Mrs. Marshall is praying to the porcelain God again.

Susan: I thought that you were on that chopper.
Chuck: God, no. They brought their own nurse, and that bitch wouldn't let me fly.
Susan: That bitch saved your life!