ER

(to Mark) Carter: I'm gone for a couple of weeks, you [and Elizabeth] are engaged, Chen's pregnant, Malucci's blonde, and I can't seem to remember my locker combination.

Malucci: Dr. Dave, 14; Death, zero.

(while observing Carter supplying a urine specimen) Greene: So, seen any good movies lately? Carter: No.

Chuny: Abby, you got a code brown with Mr. Pazolli. Abby: Again? Geez, how much can that guy eat?

Benton: So, what is my position here? Romano: You have no position here. Benton: So, you're firing me? Romano: No, no, no, Peter. You fired yourself.

Romano: (about Carter) So, who's watching the drugstore cowboy? Weaver: I'm head of the ER. That makes Carter my responsibility. Romano: Uh, correct me if I'm wrong, Kerry, but didn't he develop his drug addiction under your watchful eye? Weaver: Is there something that you need, Robert? Roman: Do I need to have a reason to come down and say hello? But now that I'm down here, perhaps you can tell me what genius replaced all the candy bars in the vending machines with raisins and rice cakes? Weaver: You're here because you need a sugar fix? We're a hospital. We're setting a good example by offering healthy snacks. Romano: So, what are you, the nutrition Nazi? America's poor eating habits help keep us in business. Weaver: Did you even take the Hippocratic oath? Romano: I had my fingers crossed.

Abby: I swear, I can't win with Weaver. Carter: Well, who can? Abby: Here, she drags me down here, claiming it's for my benefit so I can get more experience, but not too much experience. Carter: Talk to your nurse manager. Abby: Right. And then Weaver completely hates me if I ever come back as a med student. Carter: Oh, you'll come back. Abby: I don't know even if I want to. This place is a freak show. Carter: This place grows on you. Abby: So does foot fungus.

Chen: Why would you give yourself Doberman ears? Patient: They're Vulcan. Chen: Is that like a Shitzu? Abby: I think he means Star Trek, like Dr. Spock.

(about the ER) Kovac: It's really not so bad down here, Abby. Abby: Oh, yeah? Compared to what?

Abby: I'm everybody's favorite nurse. But that's the problem, because as a med student I screwed up everything, everything. Even things I could do with my eyes closed. Kovac: I think it's all in here. (taps his head) You are a good nurse, Abby, but you could be a great doctor. You just need a little confidence.