ER

Carter: So, you aren't really living in the hospital, are you? Barnett: Why, would that be a problem? Carter: Might be a problem for Dr. Weaver. She has the place sprayed for interns.

Carter: Where is Ray? Chuny: Try the roof. Carter: What's he doing up there? Chuny: I think he lives there. Frank: He lives in the call room. He just cooks on the roof.

Urbanus: Abby, what would you do if the UA's normal on a two-year-old with fever, no source? Abby: Call it viral syndrome, have them follow up with their PMD. Urbanus: What if the kid just vomited all the Tylenol he got in Triage? Abby: Uh, give him a rectal dose and explain to the parents that the fever won't hurt him. Urbanus: And what would you do if a med student...asked you out? Abby: Call for a psych consult.

(Morris walks by with Urbanus, Penny and Najeeb following him) Carter: Hey, Morris. Can you take care of Delacourt in Three? Morris: Just a back strain. Carter: Don't forget about, uh, femoral and pedal pulses. Morris: I never do. Why is it important to check leg pulses in this patient? Urbanus: Arterial embolus? Morris: (makes buzzer sound) Penny, to you. Penny: Peripheral vascular disease? Morris: Oooh, close, but no cigar. Maybe a little more studying, a little less time at the hair salon. Next contestant? Back pain can be either presenting symptom... Najeeb: (into recording device in his ear) Back pain can be either presenting symptom... Morris: ...in abdominal aortic disection. Najeeb: ...in abdominal aortic disection. Morris: Can I get some fries with that? (Morris and med students walk away) Malik: I guess it's true what they say. "Those who can't do, teach." Sam: (to Carter) Yeah, but what is he teaching them? Yesterday, I caught him injecting lido with epi into a toe. Oh, I'm not kidding. Carter: Hey, Morris! Wait up.

(While treating a cyclist) Abby: (To Ray) Abrasions to the neck and hip, Dr. Bon Jovi.

Ray: Hey Rockhart. Abby: What did you just call me? Ray: Erm...nothing.

(Luka and Alex are playing Playstation) Luka: You're going down you little freak. Alex: You suck. Luka: You're worse at this than you are at soccer. Alex: Bite me, you Slav bastard. Sam: Alex! What did you just say? Alex: What? Sam: What did you say? Alex: Nothing. Sam: I heard you. (to Luka) You heard him. What did he say? Luka: I didn't hear anything. Might have been the game. Alex: Yeah, I'm pretty sure you heard the game, Mom. Sam: Yeah well, I don't wanna hear that kind of talk out of you. (to Luka) Or you.

Urbanus: That intern, Abby. Do you know if she's seeing anybody? Frank: Just me. It's a casual, sexual relationship, but we're always looking for a third.

(Rasgotra is asked what she can do) Rasgotra: Well, let's see: I can crack open your chest, reinflate your lung and squeeze your heart back to life.

Corday: (to Carter, about Dubenko) Well, don't look at me. I didn't hire him.

Kovac: What are you doing? Carter: Couldn't sleep. Thought I'd get a jump on the day. How's the night shift going? Kovac: Ugly, but it's been quiet for the last hour or so. Carter: Well, that won't last. Sunburns, blown-off fingers, potluck food poisoning. Nothing like the ER on the Fourth of July. Kovac: You sound like you're looking forward to it. Carter: Well, anytime you mix alcohol, gunpowder and the great outdoors, you're in for a good time.

Abby: (to Ray about an altered patient) What is he, your dealer? Maybe we should tox screen you.