ER Season 9 Episode 4

(discussing Abby being named nurse supervisor)
Abby: I was hall monitor for a day in the 5th grade and they fired me for selling passes to the other kids.
Kerry: Well, I'm sure you've matured since.
Abby: Not that much really.

(Abby is removing a dead goldfish from the tank in the waiting room))
Abby: Time of death, 7:36 a.m.
Carter: Ah. Your goldfish coded?
Abby: Yep. Third time this week. Every afternoon I restock the little pond here, and every morning it's like the Exxon Valdez came through.
Carter: You can get somebody else to do this for you.
Abby: Well, I'm committed.
Carter: Committed fish killer.
(she drops the fish into Carter's coffee cup)

Abby: Luka and UTI mom?
Susan: Yeah. Is this kind of thing normal in Croatia?
Abby: Oh, yeah. They call it alternative medicine.
Susan: (laughs) I'm not supposed to laugh. It's a patient's mother.
Abby: Where did you find them?
Susan: In the storage closet in radiology.
Abby: That's strange. Neuro's so much more cozy.
Susan: Is that what you two were like?
Abby: No, we stuck to beds mostly.
Susan: Too bad. I think you should talk to him.
Abby: Me, forget about it.
Susan: You know him better.
Abby: You walked in on them.
Susan: I'm not the sex police!

Carter: (to Gallant) Hey, Pratt wants you to hit him on the other side of his face, to even things out.

UTI Patient: Are you really a good nurse?
Abby: I'm technically proficient, despite certain attitude issues.

Kayson: (to Pratt) You still work here?
Pratt: ...last time I checked.

Abby: And the moral of the story is...
Luka: Never sleep with a patient's mother.
Abby: At least not until the labs are back.

Abby: How does a couple burgers, shakes, and see if you get lucky sound?
Carter: I haven't had an offer that good since the eighth grade.

Susan: (to Luka) When you're waiting on a patient's results, it's not necessary for you to boff that patient's mother in the storage closet.

Luka: Her workup is not complete.
Susan: But her mother's is, so unless you have unusual stamina, there's no reason to keep her here.

(talking about girls' night out)
Carter: Abby said it was a good time.
Susan: Don't worry, she hasn't cheated on you since that stripper named Thor.
Carter: I can be concerned, right?
Susan: Don't be; he was wearing an American flag thong.

Gallant: (to Pratt, after slugging him) Don't call me Mikey!

Lewis: (about Weaver) Tell me she didn't forget to switch needles.
Carter: She forgot to switch needles.

Abby: (to Carter, about girls' night out) The usual: prank calls, pillow fights, lesbian experimentation.

Lewis: Thanks for getting me home. I'm so sorry about your shoes.