Everybody Loves Raymond Season 4 Episode 22

(after a very irritable Debra leaves the house, Gianni lets out a big belch)
Gianni: Man, I thought she would never leave!
Andy: Is Debra aware of how she's coming off to others?

Frank: She's in a bad mood, what, three days tops? Soon, it's gonna be five days. Then it's a week. Then what was once a bad mood takes over and becomes her only mood! And then... well then you become like me. Where not a day goes by that I don't wish there was a comet screaming towards Earth to bring me sweet relief!!!

Debra: (about the PMS pills that Ray bought for her) Oh, no, Marie, he's trying to help, see? These are magic pills. (pretends to swallow some, talks sarcastically) Oh, look! Ray's dirty clothes just flew right off the bed and into the hamper. These really work!
Marie: Let me have some. (takes bottle, pretends to swallow some) Oh! Frank's toenails just crawled right into the garbage can!

Debra: (on the tape recorder that Ray used) I told you 8 million times, when you empty the dryer you clean the lint screen! Look at all this lint! Do you like lint, Ray? How about I give you some for your birthday? Happy birthday, Ray, here's your lint!!!
Ray: I just wanted you to hear that, so you know what you sound like. Okay?
Debra: (long pause, starts crying) You are a gigantic ass!
Ray: (talking into recorder) 10:32, "gigantic ass."

Ray: If they find me chopped up in the freezer, don't believe the suicide note.

Ray: Guys, could you quiet it down a little bit? Debra's not feeling too well hormonal-femininally.
Frank: Ah, got it. "The enemy within!"

Debra: Listen, Ray. I need some understanding, okay? I need a little caring. I need to know that if I'm going through a tough time that you're there for me and that you want to...you know...take care of me.
Ray: I do want to. You're my girl.
Debra: (starts crying) I love you, Ray!
Ray: Oh, God, you're a mess.

Debra: Oh, would you STOP? I'm not crying because of the way I sound! I'm crying because I'm married to an insensitive derfwad, who instead of trying to make life easier for his wife, tape-records her so he has proof she's a terrible person!
Ray: What's a derfwad?

Ray: (to Debra) Hey, Banjo Pants! I hope you're in the mood for some delicious Italian, and I don't mean just me!

Ray: Want to know how my night was? It went a little like this. I fed the kids dinner. Peanut butter and jelly. Then I had to give them a bath because they were covered in peanut butter and jelly. Then I was mean because I wouldn't let them sleep in the treehouse, and they went to bed yelling and screaming. So that was my night, thank you very much.
Debra: Well, that's my night every night.

Debra: Listen, if I had PMS -- and I'm not saying that I have it -- is that how you help me? By taping me? By telling me I have PMS? That doesn't help. That doesn't help me, Ray!
Ray: Well, what do you want me to do? Show me what to do. Just draw it out for me.
Debra: Have you ever thought about giving me a hug?
Ray: A hug?!
Debra: Yeah, a hug. Did you ever think of hugging me, you jerk?!
Ray: Well, this is not huggable. This is not Debra! This is the woman who shows up once a month to rip into me like a monkey on a cupcake.

Ray: But Deb...
Debra: Ray, if you say one more word, I'm going to send your mother back in here to smack the hell out of you!

Ray: Where do you want me to go? What do you want me to do! Just tell me what to do--spell it out for me!
Debra: Have you ever thought about giving me a hug?
Ray: A hug?!?!?!
Debra: Yes, a hug. Have you ever thought of hugging me, you jerk?
Ray: Well, it's kinda hard to hug somebody who's trying to kill you!
Debra: Well, maybe it never occurred to you that you've never even tried it before!
Ray: Listen, this is not huggable. This is not Debra! This is the woman who shows up once a month to rip into me like a monkey on a cupcake!

Debra: There's nothing in here for bitchy.
Ray: You probably need a prescription for bitchy.

Debra: Hey Ray, these were on top of the hamper, are they dirty or are they clean?
Ray: Uh, yeah, those are dirty.
Debra: Oh, they're dirty, okay, well then, Ray, let me enlighten you as to how a hamper works, okay. There's a lid on it, and that lid lifts up. Now you take your clothes, not your clean clothes, not the clothes you're wearing right now, but your dirty clothes. You lift that lid, you insert the clothes, you shut that lid.