Ray and Debra disagree over whether they should purchase an expensive dress for Ally to wear to a friend's formal 13th birthday party. Debra thinks they should, but Ray can't see spending $250 for a dress that will be worn only once. The price tag has Ray seething, especially since the mom he loves to hate, Peggy, is hosting the soiree. Naturally, Marie takes her son's side.moreless
Raymond Albert Barone
Robert says that Ray could think about Molly's party as her Bat-Mitzva. However, a Bat-Mitzva, unlike a Bar-Mitzva, is held at age 12, not 13.
Debra: Look, Ray, Ally still needs the dress. She'll be the only girl at the party without one. She'll stand out.
Ray: Oh, right, now you're just like Peggy.
Debra: Oooooooh, so this is all because you hate Peggy.
Ray: No. No, it's not. It's morally and ethnically wrong!
Debra: You're out of your element, Ray.
Ray: Listen, I feel sorry for Ally, too, but isn't it more important that we don't raise spoiled kids?
Debra: You're just saying that to impress your mother.
Marie: And he has!
Marie: I agree with Raymond.
Robert: (sarcastically, pretends to be tallying something down) Oh, Ma agrees with Raymond. That's forty years in a row!
Peggy: Hello, Ally's Dad.
Peggy: Is there a problem here?
Ray: Hey, Ally, um, give us a minute here, okay? Why don't you and Molly go down and take turns sitting in the massage chair? (kids leave, Ray turns to Peggy) A couple of us were wondering, what are you thinking? A formal party for 13-year-olds? I mean, yeah, I understand the milestones and the weird hormonal changes.......but you're not even Jewish!
Amy: What happened to hide and go seek and cake in the backyard?
Frank: There's cake in the backyard?
Robert: I was great at hide and go seek. Nobody ever found me.
Ray: Nobody looked.
Ally: Mom, we gotta get to the mall. I just talked to Julie, and she's buying her dress today. She said she'll meet us there, so let's go.
Debra: Honey, I have a PTA meeting, so your father can take you.
Ray: Me? Wait, no, no, no, I don't even--
Debra: You want to go to the PTA?
Ally: Come on, Dad. Please, please, please, please, please? I want to get there before all the good colors are gone. I'll be in the car. (runs out the door)
Debra: Your daughter's waiting. (Ray sighs and heads for the door)
Robert: The guy never had a chance.
Frank: While you're there, why don't you pick out a dress for yourself?
Debra: (after Ally comes in slamming doors) Ray, what's going on?
Ray: Guess how much the dress cost. Go ahead.
Debra: I don't know, like $100?
Ray: (makes a buzzer sound) Eeeeeeh! Guess again!
Debra: Just tell me, Ray.
Ray: Ehhh! Ehhh!
Debra: Ray, knock it off.
Ray: Wrong. $250.00!
Frank: Yes! I was closest!
Ally: Listen....I know that the dress was too expensive.
Ray: Really? Wow. You see? I'm glad you feel that way.
Ally: Yeah, I mean, I think the whole dressing up thing is kind of dumb. So does Molly, but her mom is just so--
Ray: Horrible? Yeah, I know.
Ally: I was gonna say excited.
Ray: Well, yeah, that's what I meant....horribly excited.
Ally: (when Ray buys her the dress) Oh my gosh! I promise I'll do lots of chores to pay for it. I'll wash your car and babysit, and--
Ray: Don't worry about any of that. You just go and have a good time.
Ally: Why did you buy it?
Ray: I bought it because...you're a good kid, and you don't ask for much, and I just want you to know that you can count on me to do things...when they're important for you.
Ray: Jerry, did you see what these dresses cost? They're $250!
Jerry: I know. I was gonna get a lawn mower.
Ray: You know what I say? I say all the parents should protest and refuse to buy this fancy crap. That would just show Peggy she's not the boss of us!
Jerry: Or get us all killed. I heard she once beat a guy up over some cookies.
Ray: (embarrassed) Oh.....no, I heard that he beat her up, actually. Bad.
Peggy: I just thought it would be fun if for one night, all the kids looked nice. I'm just sick of the belly shirts and the thongs sticking out to here.
Ray: Hey, listen, I don't like any of these things on girls under 21 either, but Ally doesn't dress like that!
Robert: I was always the best at hide-and-seek. Nobody ever found me.
Ray: Nobody looked!
Marie: You know, Debra, you could save a lot of money if you make Ally a dress yourself. (pauses) Oh, that's right...well, how about if I make the dress and tell her you helped?
Robert: You know, Raymond, you could think of this as Molly's Bat-Mitzvah.
Ray: Could we think of this as your "Shut Upzvah?"
Peggy: What are you making such a big deal about? You're a sportswriter--you make a lot of money.
Ray: No, I write about people who make a lot of money!
Ray: That's a lot of money to pay for a dress.
Debra: Well, you've never been a 13-year-old girl.
Ray: You know, you're really running out of things to criticize me about.
Frank: Let me tell you something: you want that hate. If your kids like you, you've failed as parents.
Robert: Allow me to congratulate you on your magnificent success.
Ally: (yelling at Ray) Well, I hate you!
Debra: Congratulations, Ray. You're a successful parent.
Amy: $250 for a dress that will only be worn once? That's awfully expensive!
Ray: Yeah, well, tell it to Debra von Moneybags.
Marie: You are not getting a TV in the bathroom!
Frank: Then I'm bringing the toilet into the living room!
Peggy: Fine. Don't buy the dress. And then you can explain to Ally why she will be the only girl there without one. She will stick out like a giant nose on a stupid face.
Ray: (to the clerk) Let me ask you something. Don't you think that this is an awful lot of money to spend on a one-time thing?
Clerk: That's not for me to say, sir, but how can you put a price on the smile of this beautiful young woman? (She places her hands on Ally's shoulders)
Ray: You work on commission, don't you?
Ally: Dad, I don't think you can bring food in here.
Ray: Hey, I paid four bucks for this cookie. I'm not givin' it up.
Clerk: I'm sorry... (Holds out her hand)
Clerk: You can have it back when you leave.
Ray: Okay. I know how much I ate.
Clerk: Now, may I help you?
Ray: Um, yeah, we're looking for a dress for my daughter here. It's for the Peggy Ardelino party. I was supposed to mention her name.
Clerk: Follow me. Here we are. These are the dresses for the Ardelino party.
Ally: Wow, Daddy, look at them!
Ally: They're beautiful!
Ray: Yeah, you can wear it to a fall party or just knocking around the house. Which color do you want?
Ally: The blue.
Ray: Beautiful. How much is it?
Clerk: These dresses are $250.
Ally: (turns to dressing room) I'll be in there.
Ray: Whoa, whoa, wait a minute! $250?
Clerk: That's with the 10 percent discount for mentioning Peggy's name.
Ray: All right. Peggy, Peggy, Peggy, Peggy, Peggy. How much is it now?
Frank: Peggy. Hey, Ray, isn't she the cookie lady that beat you up?
Robert: Hey, yeah. The cookie lady... she beat the chips out of you! (they laugh)
Ray: Yeah, yeah. I can't wait until one of you two needs a kidney!
Ray: I still remember when you forced me and Robert to wear your homemade jeans.
Marie: They were very nice. They looked just like the kind the other boys were wearing.
Robert: They were velvet!
Marie: That denim is very abrasive.
Ray: Yeah, so were the other boys!
Ally's best friend Molly is played in this episode by Alexandra Romano, Ray Romano's real-life daughter.
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