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Raymond Albert Barone
In the syndicated version, the episode starts out with an outside shot of Ray's house. But then it goes straight to a scene in Marie's kitchen.
Frank: Drive across the country? I'd rather drive off a cliff.
Marie: I'll warm up the car.
Marie: (reading Theresa's letter) Look at all these exclamation points. You'd think she pulled the Pope out of quicksand or something!
(about the Christmas letter from ten years prior)
Frank: I remember this. I had all the stuff I was gonna do when I retire on it.
Marie: Was "be nicer to your wife" on there?
Frank: Might as well have been, it's all ridiculous crap!
Debra: It's just that your mother is sending out this ridiculous Christmas card, and I look terrible in it. She makes it sounds like she has to raise my kids and clean my house while I sit and drool into a cup!
Ray: Just let her have her delusions. What else does she have--chasing Dad around the house with a can of Lysol?
Debra: But she's sending it out to everyone. People are gonna think it's true! It will be like "Thank God Marie lives close enough to help out with that idiot woman and her dirty family!"
Debra: Marie, you're not sending this letter out.
Marie: Oh, I'm not?
Debra: Not like this, no way!
Marie: Well, I'm sorry, but this is my letter... and this is America!
Robert: I actually say a prayer that Ray … doesn't do so good that day.
Debra: You say a prayer?
Robert: 'Come on, God … get him!'
Ray: (reading from the portion of the Christmas letter which Marie and Debra wrote about Frank) "His love affair with bacon continues."
Ray: (Reading from the piece Robert wrote about himself for the Christmas letter) 'Robert loves to dance and has been known to boogie the night away.' So... so, let me get this straight. You've broadened the definition of the term 'boogie' to include staying at home by yourself eating Wheat Thins?
Debra: Marie, when I speak, what is it you hear? Is it... is it, like, backwards talk, or dolphin squeaks?
Ray: (Enters the kitchen from outside, returning from work) Hey, Eight Maids A-Milkin'!
Debra: We gonna do this every night until Christmas? Can't we just cut to 'Partridge in a Pear Tree' and be done with it?
Ray: Wow. When we go to Macy's, you wanna punch Santa and kick an elf?
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