Raymond Albert Barone
Frank is appalled that Pat would kill a bird, or any living creature, for that matter, and yet in Season 7's "The Thought that Counts", Frank boldly admitted that he killed a bird once.
At the beginning of the episode, when Debra and the kids are all sitting on the couch, the twins are slouched way back, and one of them has his eyes closed, like he is sleeping. In-between shots, though, the twins are sitting up, laying down, and sitting back up again.
Pat: (Reading her lines from the script) We don't even know how to catch fish. Whatever shall we do?
Frank: She should try strangling a couple of birds.
Hank: Does anyone hear savages?
Marie: You can't just put on a happy face and pretend that everything's wonderful. I have always believed that if I was going to be a proper human being, I also had to have the courage to be honest with people. Being fake helps no one. (Pat looks at her husband with a small smirk) What? What was that look for?
Pat: It's nothing, it's just that... earlier, you said that you brought two pies in case people didn't fill up on dinner. I don't think you were particularly happy about spending Thanksgiving with us, but you covered your true feelings with a veiled insult about my cooking. Isn't that right?
Frank: Maybe that's why I like animals so much; they tell it like it is. Woof! Moo! Quack! That's straight shooting!
Mrs. MacDougall: (to Ray and Debra's kids) And children, we also have the MacDougall Family Thanksgiving Pageant!
Ray: The MacDougall Family... what?
Pat: How about warming up with some hot cider?
Frank: Is it spiked?
Pat: It has cinnamon.
Frank: Great. I came all this way for hot juice!
Ray: You guys don't even have an emergency radio or anything?
Ray: What? What if the President came on to say that Thanksgiving was cancelled? How would we hear that?
Frank: When birds hit your house, I think you have to warn them somehow.
Peter: Maybe we should cover the outside of the house with mattresses so the birds bounce off.
Frank: You making fun of me, Coco Puffs?
Ally: Mom, the boys are putting glue in each other's hair!
Amy: Oh, no!
Debra: I'm surprised it took them this long. Come on, honey, Mommy will help you stick them to the wall!
Amy: Hey... I bet I know a couple fellows who could use a nap!
Hank: (quoting the Bible) 'May man have dominion over every creeping thing that creepeth the earth.'
Frank: You creepeth me out.
Hank: I'm more of a 'bed napper'.
Frank: (serious face) Interesting. Now, let me ask you, do you go under the covers?
Hank: Oh no. Only on top. Now I might kick off my shoes, but thats as far as it goes.
Frank: Well let me tell you something, I go under the covers, but my pants do not!
Robert: Lies--they're gonna screw us.
Amy: Marie, maybe we should just let the bird thing go, okay?
Robert: All right, Amy, let's not get into this, okay? I mean, I'm not taking my family's side.
Amy: Well, of course not. They're all acting nuts.
Robert: My family's nuts?
Amy: Well, what do you call it when a person starts barking and quacking at people?
Robert: My father was barking and quacking because he was upset about the path of death and destruction that your parents have cut through the ANIMAL COMMUNITY!
Frank: That's my boy!
Pat: Like when a rodent gets into the root cellar, you don't want to bang it with a shovel... but you do.
Ray: (to Robert) Remember Tweety?
Ray: Yeah. When we were kids, we had a cockatiel named Tweety.
Robert: I trained him so when I opened his cage, he'd fly right up onto my shoulder. He thought I was a tree.
Marie: Frank! They wanna feed us to the snake!
Ray: All right. Just relax, you two. No snake is that hungry.
Marie: How did you know that the bird couldn't be saved? You're not a doctor!
Pat: No, but I have been around animals my whole life.
Amy: Mom grew up on a farm.
Frank: I bet the chickens slept with one eye open!
Frank: That bird was one of God's creatures! The God these people supposedly work for. But apparently that life didn't mean anything to them. It was just a bird. Well maybe so, but I happen to think he deserved a lot better than he got.
Pat: Okay everyone! (She emerges from the kitchen carrying a huge turkey) Dinner.
Frank: (hungrily) All right! Break me off a leg there!
Hank: Oh, we don't own a TV.
Frank: I don't understand.
When Debra and the kids come in wearing their Pilgrim and Indian apparel, Debra's Pilgrim hat is completely backwards for the entire scene, which lasts a good ten minutes. Series creator Phil Rosenthal has said that actress Patricia Heaton put the hat on this way during rehearsal, seemingly unaware that it was wrong. It helped the comedy, and everyone liked it so much that they decided to keep it in the episode.
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