Raymond Albert Barone
Debra: Don't bother to clean up. I'll get to it later.
Marie: She'll get to it later. Even the ants are laughing.
Ray: I can't remember the last time the kids behaved so badly. Except maybe that one time at the park when Geoffrey tried to ride a goose.
Ray: I got all these travel brochures for our vacation that I'm planning.
Ray: I know, it's amazing! The world has a LOT of places!
Robert: Hey, Ma, can you bring Dad his sandwich? His stomach just made a noise I heard in the woods once.
Debra: Keep the damn tissues.
Raymond: (mad) Don't call them "damn tissues." They're just tissues. They're our tissues from now on.
Frank: I blow my nose for the last time in this house!
Ray: Ohhh, there goes our Saturday night!
Robert: Raymond, did you ever stop to wonder why these tissues were on sale? The bad color, the disgusting texture, the fact that they're only 100-count when a typical box of tissues holds 160. Hmmmm? You got ripped off my brother. Nobody wanted these things. Nobody but poor ol' Mr. Bumblepuss. That's you.
Marie: Robbie, we're watching Raymond unpack groceries.
Robert: And nobody's videotaping??
Frank: Hey, those tissues stink!
Frank: Yeah. They"ve got the lotion on them. They're all greasy. You pull one out to blow your nose on, you think you did it already!
Ray: Yeah, knowing you dad, you probably did.
Ray: Yeah, I'll make all the decisions I want. Maybe I'm deciding to sleep down here tonight.
Debra: (from upstairs) I already made that decision... 'Just so you know'.
Debra: Well, just so you know, that hose is going back.
Ray: Oh-ho-ho, that's it, right there.
Ray: That is how you get your way. (imitating Debra) 'Just so you know.' Yeah, yeah. 'Just so you know, Ray, we're getting the flower drapes.' 'Just so you know, Ray, I ordered the boring couch without the foot rests.' And 'Ray, we're moving across the street from your parents, just so you know!'
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