Robert: (about picking someone to replace Ray) Did Debra even consider me?
Amy: Hey, I'm standing right here!
Robert: So, who would you pick for me?
Amy: Robert, I don't wanna do this.
Robert: Come on, it'll be fun.
Amy: We're not even married yet and you wanna know who can replace me?
Robert: I picked someone to replace me.
Amy: Oh, yeah? Who?
Robert: Well, what about Raymond
Amy: (disguested face) Ray?
Robert: Ahh, that's my girl!
Marie: (to Harriet) You stay away from my husband!
Frank: Marie, we were just talking.
Marie: You weren't just talking, you were picturing her naked.
Frank: Get out of my head, Woman!
Debra: By the way Linda called this morning. She had to cancel the date tonight. She said Bernie was up all night with a terrible stomach flu. He slept on the bathroom floor.
Raymond: Stomach flu? Well that's a lot of flu with that stomach.
Raymond: (trying to get the milk open) C'mon. Are you kidding me? You gotta glue it on tight, huh, milk people? 'Ooh, look at me, I work for the milk company. I glue things on tight.'
Raymond: There's no reason you shouldn't be attracted to Bernie except for all the extra Bernie.
Debra: The kids preschool teacher.
Raymond: What?! She's gotta be 65 years old. She's old enough to be my mother.
Debra: Yeah, I thought you'd like that.
Marie: By the way, the viewing hours are the next three nights at the Canazarol's funeral home.
Raymond: Oh, is it going to be an open casket?
Frank: For Rose Capoodle, I hope not!
Linda: Did Mrs. Capoodle know that you picked her for Frank?
Raymond: If she did then it would have killed her sooner.
Raymond: Hey dad, Bernie and Linda are here for dinner so why don't you go home and yell at your own TV?
Frank: What are you having?
Raymond: We're having a big bowl of "get out of my house old man"!
Frank: (looking at the picture beside the coffin) Is this picture before or after?
Frank: I don't care how many plans you make for me, I wouldn't be caught dead with Rose Caputo!
Debra: Who would you pick for me if you died first?
Ray: And you say I'm bad at foreplay.
Marie (to Frank): Years ago I decided to pick someone to replace me if I died before you.
Frank: What do you mean? To marry me?
Marie: Yes! Someone to make you happy after I was gone!
Frank: Oh, that's nice, Marie, but.. I think I'd be happy enough.
Marie: Guess who died.
Debra: Aw, Marie! Who?
Ray: Mom! Nobody wants to play this game!
Frank: Celebrity or real person?
Marie: A real person.
Frank: Male or female?
Frank: Gimme a second here, I'm usually pretty good at this.
Ironically enough, Maggie Wheeler was one of the actresses considered to play Ray's wife, Debra, when the show was originally cast.