Season 1 Episode 4

Episode 4: Les Dennis

Aired Thursday 9:00 PM Aug 11, 2005 on BBC Two



  • Trivia

  • Quotes

    • Les: When the laughter stops. When the audience departs. When the make-up has been removed. What is left of the clown? Nothing but an empty costume. I should have listened to that. Do you know who said that?
      Andy: Jean Paul-Sartre?
      Les: Bobby Davro.

    • Les Dennis: The only people laughing were that bunch of gays.
      Andy: Nothing wrong with gays.
      Les Dennis: No, I know. But they'll laugh at anything. No victory making a bunch of gay fellas laugh. They'll laugh at anything. Look at that Graham Norton.

    • Les Dennis: [Calls 'Heat' magazine] I just spotted Les Dennis, the comedian and impressionist and actor Les Dennis. I just spotted him shopping in New Bond Street.
      Magazine Representative: Doubt he can afford much around there, can he?
      Les Dennis: Well, he can, because I just saw him, and he was spending a fucking shit-load of cash, all right? So put that in. Make sure you put that in.

    • Andy: Have you got anything for me at all?
      Agent: Loads of stuff. Do you fancy a panto in Guilford with Les Dennis?
      Andy: No. What, that's it?
      Agent: Yeah.
      Andy: You said there were loads of stuff!
      Agent: I thought you'd go with that one.

    • Agent: Seriously, talk to me.
      Andy: Why am I not getting any acting roles?
      Agent: I've been thinking about this, and I'm glad you brought it up. I've got a feeling it could be your shape. It is a very unusual shape and I'm not sure who would be looking for it. Could you maybe do a bit more exercise?
      Andy: Could you maybe do a bit more work?
      Agent: Well, no, we can banter all we like, but, I mean, all I'll say is, if you insist on remaining, you know, a blob, could you maybe at least get a tan?
      Andy: They're looking for a fat bloke with a tan, are they? What's that for, Oliver Stone's "Story of Buddha"?

    • Les Dennis I even considered suicide.
      Andy: Oh.
      Les Dennis: Yeah, actually thinking: I'm gonna end it all - I'm thinking: I'll do it live on telly, that'll show her. And I was thinking about it, Melinda Messenger came in - lovely girl, she was chatting away...
      Andy: Took your mind off it?
      Les Dennis: Yeah, I was looking at her tits.

    • Andy: Hold on, his daughter? But he's definitely gay.
      Maggie: He can't be gay if he's got a daughter.
      Andy: Oscar Wilde was married with two kids.
      Maggie: Well he can't have been gay.
      Andy: What, Oscar Wilde?
      Maggie: Yeah.
      Andy: Got to stop hanging around with you.

  • Notes

  • Allusions

    • Les Dennis: And I was thinking about it, Melinda Messenger came in...

      Melinda Messenger was a glamour model - a 'Page 3 stunna' to use British slang. She has large, (plastic) breasts - probably a head too, I've never really looked up that high.

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