F Troop

(Col. Adams walks in on Capt. Parmenter and Wrangler kissing) Capt. Parmenter: This is Wrangler Jane. She runs the post office. Col. Adams: Runs it or plays it?

O'Rourke: Craze, see if you can get some information for us, will ya? Keep your ear to the ground! Wild Eagle: Last time he did that, got stepped on by a buffalo.

Crazy Cat: You accusing your friends, the Hekawis, of buying rifles? Wild Eagle: Only tribe that ever live up to paleface treaty! Crazy Cat: Only tribe in territory you can trust. Wild Eagle: How much you want for the guns?

Agarn: (to a disappointed Jane after Parmenter didn't elope) Now, Janie, look at it this way. Everybody rehearses weddings. Now, you're the first girl in America who's ever rehearsed an elopement!

Capt. Parmenter: Tonight, sir, I will thoroughly investigate Wrangler Jane. Col. Adams: But are you going to find out if she's got any Army rifles?

Col. Adams: (Accusing Wrangler Jane of using her romance with Parmenter) Do you remember "Samson & Delilah?" Capt. Parmenter: Well, it's true, Jane's given me a haircut a few times, but I never lost my strength.

Agarn: Janie, how would you describe me to a stranger? Wrangler Jane: Why, I'd say that sweet, darling corporal. With the dumb look on his face. O'Rourke: Ya had to ask.

Agarn: (theorizing about Dobbs) Well, he could be blowing signals on that bugle. He sure ain't blowin' nothing that sounds like "Reveille."

Capt. Parmenter: There is one trooper who may be so clever that he has fooled us all. Agarn: A clever trooper? Capt. Parmenter: Yes, a man who has more intelligence than we think simply because of the dumb look he has on his face. O'Rourke: Aw, now, captain. I can swear to you it's not Corporal Agarn. (Agarn shoots him a dirty look.)

Capt. Parmenter: We are gathered here tonight to honor Trooper Duffy on the 30th anniversary of his being wounded at the Alamo. O'Rourke: That's why we're here, Captain? Agarn: I hope you throw a party for me next week, sir. It's my second anniversary getting hoof and mouth disease.