Crazy Cat: Chief look, smoke signal.
Agarn: What does it say?
Wild Eagle: Crazy Cat, give me my reading glasses.
O'Rourke: It's from your Apache friend, Chief Mean Buffalo.
Agarn: Well, what does it say?
Wild Eagle: It say "greetings. Your tribe has been selected to serve in the all indian army. Will contact you later. Sincerely, Chief Mean Buffalo. PS, soldier dogs must die."
Agarn: Indian! Indian!
Wild Eagle: Where? Where? What am I saying? Everybody here Indian.
Crazy Cat: Friends, Hekawis, countrymen, we are gathered here today to say good-bye to Chief Wild Eagle who has gone to last big pow wow in sky. He was good chief, wise chief, with heart as big as his mouth.
Wild Eagle: Again you try to bury me?
Crazy Cat: Chief Wild Eagle. Just practicing speech I wrote for when we wrap your skin in buffalo hide, put it on your favorite pony, and send him to...
Wild Eagle: Never mind the funeral arrangements.
Crazy Cat: Must be prepared chief. You could go any minute.
Wild Eagle: Thats why you practice funeral speech?
Crazy Cat: Have to practice. Would you want me to say burial speech for great chief off top of head?
Wild Eagle: You keep practicing speech and you get tomahawk off top of head.
Beware Of Dog: How far fort from here?
Wild Eagle: Only stone's throw.
Chief Mean Buffalo: How far is stone's throw?
Wild Eagle: How far can you throw a stone?
Chief Mean Buffalo: My tribe not afraid. We fight to last Apache.
Wild Eagle: Hekawi feel same way. Be glad to fight to last Apache.
O'Rourke: Yeah, we're lucky to have an ally like Wild Eagle -- honorable, friendly, peace-loving...
Agarn: And chicken.
Wild Eagle: Don't let name "Wild Eagle" fool you. Had it changed from "Yellow Chicken."
Agarn: Where'd you hear that?
Wild Eagle: A little bird told me.
O'Rourke: What are you talking about, "a little bird?"
Wild Eagle: My friend, Tiny Sparrow, live across the river.
Agarn: He didn't even look like a Hekawi.
Wild Eagle: What he look like?
Agarn: Well, he's got a strong, muscular body, a tough-looking face, war paint on his cheeks, a red band around his head, and a tomahawk and a scalp hanging from his belt.
Wild Eagle: That's what I call an Indian!
Crazy Cat: Sergeant O'Rourke always doing nice things for corporal. Why you not do nice things for me?
Wild Eagle: Only nice thing I can do for you is drop dead and that's out!
Capt. Parmenter: If a soldier is stationed for any length of time in this territory, one of the things he may suffer from is Indian Fever.
Agarn: Oh, sir, I've got it. I know it. Here, Sarge, feel that. I'm burning up, right?
O'Rourke: Your head is as cold as ice!
Agarn: You see that? Rigor mortis has set in.
Capt. Parmenter: What I'm trying to tell you is that when a soldier has Indian Fever, he imagines he sees Indians.
Agarn: But, sir. When I had the German Measles, I didn't see any Germans!
Agarn: I still say I've been seeing an Indian through that window.
O'Rourke: And why would an Indian be looking through that window?
Agarn: How do I know? Maybe he's a peeping tomahawk.
Joe Brooks (Vanderbilt) appears briefly but has no lines and is uncredited.