F Troop

Crazy Cat: Chief look, smoke signal. Agarn: What does it say? Wild Eagle: Crazy Cat, give me my reading glasses. O'Rourke: It's from your Apache friend, Chief Mean Buffalo. Agarn: Well, what does it say? Wild Eagle: It say "greetings. Your tribe has been selected to serve in the all indian army. Will contact you later. Sincerely, Chief Mean Buffalo. PS, soldier dogs must die."

Agarn: Indian! Indian! Wild Eagle: Where? Where? What am I saying? Everybody here Indian.

Crazy Cat: Friends, Hekawis, countrymen, we are gathered here today to say good-bye to Chief Wild Eagle who has gone to last big pow wow in sky. He was good chief, wise chief, with heart as big as his mouth. Wild Eagle: Again you try to bury me? Crazy Cat: Chief Wild Eagle. Just practicing speech I wrote for when we wrap your skin in buffalo hide, put it on your favorite pony, and send him to... Wild Eagle: Never mind the funeral arrangements. Crazy Cat: Must be prepared chief. You could go any minute. Wild Eagle: Thats why you practice funeral speech? Crazy Cat: Have to practice. Would you want me to say burial speech for great chief off top of head? Wild Eagle: You keep practicing speech and you get tomahawk off top of head.

Beware Of Dog: How far fort from here? Wild Eagle: Only stone's throw. Chief Mean Buffalo: How far is stone's throw? Wild Eagle: How far can you throw a stone?

Chief Mean Buffalo: My tribe not afraid. We fight to last Apache. Wild Eagle: Hekawi feel same way. Be glad to fight to last Apache.

O'Rourke: Yeah, we're lucky to have an ally like Wild Eagle -- honorable, friendly, peace-loving... Agarn: And chicken.

Wild Eagle: Don't let name "Wild Eagle" fool you. Had it changed from "Yellow Chicken."

Agarn: Where'd you hear that? Wild Eagle: A little bird told me. O'Rourke: What are you talking about, "a little bird?" Wild Eagle: My friend, Tiny Sparrow, live across the river.

Agarn: He didn't even look like a Hekawi. Wild Eagle: What he look like? Agarn: Well, he's got a strong, muscular body, a tough-looking face, war paint on his cheeks, a red band around his head, and a tomahawk and a scalp hanging from his belt. Wild Eagle: That's what I call an Indian!

Crazy Cat: Sergeant O'Rourke always doing nice things for corporal. Why you not do nice things for me? Wild Eagle: Only nice thing I can do for you is drop dead and that's out!

Capt. Parmenter: If a soldier is stationed for any length of time in this territory, one of the things he may suffer from is Indian Fever. Agarn: Oh, sir, I've got it. I know it. Here, Sarge, feel that. I'm burning up, right? O'Rourke: Your head is as cold as ice! Agarn: You see that? Rigor mortis has set in. Capt. Parmenter: What I'm trying to tell you is that when a soldier has Indian Fever, he imagines he sees Indians. Agarn: But, sir. When I had the German Measles, I didn't see any Germans!

Agarn: I still say I've been seeing an Indian through that window. O'Rourke: And why would an Indian be looking through that window? Agarn: How do I know? Maybe he's a peeping tomahawk.