Agarn: Sergeant O'Rourke is in here every night. He's a disgrace to his troop, to his uniform, to his stripes, to his horse, to his saddle, to his boots, to his bunk, to his footlocker...
Major Duncan: Alright, Corporal, I get the point.
Wild Eagle: You in luck, Major. Tonight, we have music of the Tomahawk Trio.
Major Duncan: I'm sure I'm gonna enjoy them very much.
Wild Eagle: They held over four weeks at Little Big Horn!
Major Duncan: (admiring cigarette girl at the Playbrave Club) I'd sure like to help that little squirrel collect acorns for the winter.
Capt. Parmenter: My wise, old grandmother once said to me that early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.
Wrangler Jane: Well, my wise, old grandmother told me if you go to bed with the setting sun, you're sure to miss a lot of fun. And she ought to know, 'cause she was the highest paid dance hall girl in Dodge City.
Agarn: You tell the major you can't be an officer or a gentleman because of your problem.
O'Rourke: What problem?
Agarn: You drink.
O'Rourke: Of course I drink! But in this army, if you drink, they make you a general.
Agarn: Are you going to try for a commission, Sarge?
O'Rourke: What, are you out of your mind, Agarn? With O'Rourke Enterprises, the souvenirs, the saloon, if they made me a general, I'd be taking a pay cut.
Agarn: (about a plan to field-commission more officers) If I may say so, Major, an excellent idea. Our Captain Parmenter was commissioned in the field.
Major Duncan: Yes, yes, they're well aware of that back at headquarters. But we're gonna go through with the scheme anyway.
O'Rourke: Well, Major. Sir, what brings you back to Fort Courage so soon?
Major Duncan: Bad luck.