Agarn: (seeing the Hekawis' new weapon for long-range buffalo hunting) Whatever happened to just jumpin' on a horse and riding out to the herd?
Wild Eagle: Two things wrong with that. One, Hekawis afraid of buffalo. Two, Hekawis afraid of horses.
Agarn: We just decided that marriage is bad for horse soldiers.
Wild Eagle: Ain't exactly a million laughs for Indians, either.
O'Rourke: (after learning Jane has hired Marrying Sam) If I may say so, sir, I suggest that you leave immediately on an Indian scouting mission.
Capt. Parmenter: Where do you think I should go, sergeant?
Agarn: Sir, may I suggest scouting the Aztecs in Mexico?
Capt. Parmenter: Really, Agarn.
Agarn: The Incas in Peru?
Agarn: (after dream wife complains about ratty furniture) Ain't nothing wrong with that furniture. It's antique. Early American.
Sally Jean Tyler: What do you mean, "antique?" We are early Americans!
Samantha Oglesby: (about beautiful girls in photos) Now the dark-haired one is from New Orleans. She was queen of the Cotton Carnival.
Agarn: She's driving me out of my cotton-picking mind!
O'Rourke: (describing matchmaker) Miss Samantha Oglesby, sir. She's known around here as Marrying Sam.
Agarn: Her motto is the same as the Mounted Police: She always gets her man.
Dobbs: The last time you were in the matchmaking business, you tried to match me up with a lady and I found we had only one thing in common.
O'Rourke: Yeah, what was that?
Dobbs: We both admired Benjamin Franklin. Only she used to date him.
In Agarn's dream, he views stereopticon slides of a "new game" called baseball invented by Abner Doubleday. Doubleday's origination of the game has been largely discredited, based on no mention of the sport in any biographical materials at the time of his death, including his own papers.
The episode title is a take-off on the title of the 1961 movie "Divorce, Italian Style".