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Agarn: (seeing the Hekawis' new weapon for long-range buffalo hunting) Whatever happened to just jumpin' on a horse and riding out to the herd?
Wild Eagle: Two things wrong with that. One, Hekawis afraid of buffalo. Two, Hekawis afraid of horses.
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Agarn: We just decided that marriage is bad for horse soldiers.
Wild Eagle: Ain't exactly a million laughs for Indians, either.
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O'Rourke: (after learning Jane has hired Marrying Sam) If I may say so, sir, I suggest that you leave immediately on an Indian scouting mission.
Capt. Parmenter: Where do you think I should go, sergeant?
Agarn: Sir, may I suggest scouting the Aztecs in Mexico?
Capt. Parmenter: Really, Agarn.
Agarn: The Incas in Peru?
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Agarn: (after dream wife complains about ratty furniture) Ain't nothing wrong with that furniture. It's antique. Early American.
Sally Jean Tyler: What do you mean, "antique?" We are early Americans!
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Samantha Oglesby: (about beautiful girls in photos) Now the dark-haired one is from New Orleans. She was queen of the Cotton Carnival.
Agarn: She's driving me out of my cotton-picking mind!
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O'Rourke: (describing matchmaker) Miss Samantha Oglesby, sir. She's known around here as Marrying Sam.
Agarn: Her motto is the same as the Mounted Police: She always gets her man.
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Dobbs: The last time you were in the matchmaking business, you tried to match me up with a lady and I found we had only one thing in common.
O'Rourke: Yeah, what was that?
Dobbs: We both admired Benjamin Franklin. Only she used to date him.