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Episode Summary
Captain Parmenter goes away to command school and comes back a hard-nosed officer that everybody hates. Meanwhile, O'Rourke takes orders for mail order brides in the captain's absence.
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Ken Berry
Captain Wilton Parmenter
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Larry Storch
Corporal Randolph Agarn
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Forrest Tucker
Sergeant Morgan O'Rourke
Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions
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Trivia
ADD TRIVIA- The mail order bride fiasco of this episode is mentioned in "Marriage, Fort Courage Style," when a professional matchmaker comes to the fort. Edit
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Notes
ADD NOTES- Ivan Bell (Trooper Duddleson) is uncredited. Edit
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Quotes
ADD QUOTES- Wrangler Jane: The men used to call you the "lovable old man" behind your back. Agarn: And now they call you Ironpants behind your pants! Edit
- Capt. "Ironpants" Parmenter: Sergeant, arrest this woman. O'Rourke: I can't do that, sir. She's a civilian. Capt. "Ironpants" Parmenter: Then draft her. Then arrest her. Edit
- O'Rourke: (negotiating price of mock Indian attack) $15. Take it or leave it. Wild Eagle: For $15, I could not even get squaws to attack. Agarn: $17.50? Wild Eagle: For that price, I cannot give you first-class attack. All you get are six braves on old horses, no war paint, no yelling and screaming. Agarn: What's an Indian attack with no war whoops?!? Wild Eagle: Would you whoop it up for $17.50? O'Rourke: He's got a point. Alright, we'll take the $20 attack, but I want a lot of braves, a lotta war paint, yelling, screaming. Wild Eagle: Now if you'd like to go for $25 attack, five redskins bite dust! Edit
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Allusions
ADD ALLUSIONS- The episode title is a take-off of "Old Ironsides," the nickname given to the the famous US Navy frigate, USS Constitution. It earned the nickname when cannonballs reportedly bounced off her thick wooden hull. Edit
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