F Troop

Season 1 Episode 8

Old Ironpants

Aired Tuesday 9:00 PM Nov 02, 1965 on ABC



  • Trivia

    • The mail order bride fiasco of this episode is mentioned in "Marriage, Fort Courage Style," when a professional matchmaker comes to the fort.

  • Quotes

    • Wrangler Jane: The men used to call you the "lovable old man" behind your back.
      Agarn: And now they call you Ironpants behind your pants!

    • Capt. "Ironpants" Parmenter: Sergeant, arrest this woman.
      O'Rourke: I can't do that, sir. She's a civilian.
      Capt. "Ironpants" Parmenter: Then draft her. Then arrest her.

    • O'Rourke: (negotiating price of mock Indian attack) $15. Take it or leave it.
      Wild Eagle: For $15, I could not even get squaws to attack.
      Agarn: $17.50?
      Wild Eagle: For that price, I cannot give you first-class attack. All you get are six braves on old horses, no war paint, no yelling and screaming.
      Agarn: What's an Indian attack with no war whoops?!?
      Wild Eagle: Would you whoop it up for $17.50?
      O'Rourke: He's got a point. Alright, we'll take the $20 attack, but I want a lot of braves, a lotta war paint, yelling, screaming.
      Wild Eagle: Now if you'd like to go for $25 attack, five redskins bite dust!

    • Wild Eagle: Wise, old Indian saying: "You show me squirrel with acorn and I show you happy moose!"
      Agarn: Chief, why don't you wise up and cut out those wise, old Indian sayings?

    • Vanderbilt: (ordering bride) I want a girl named Shirley.
      O'Rourke: Don't you care what she looks like?
      Vanderbilt: They all look alike to me. Right, Dobbs?
      Agarn: I'm Agarn
      Vanderbilt: You see what I mean, Sarge?

    • O'Rourke: (to staggering drunk) Charlie, look. I know you're the town drunk, but the saloon has only been open for ten minutes.
      Agarn: Charlie, you oughta be ashamed of yourself.
      Capt. Parmenter: Oh, nonsense. We're all very proud of Charlie. Why, we've got the fastest drunk in the west!

    • O'Rourke: Don't you worry, Captain. I'm gonna have that gun crew practicing every minute.
      Agarn: What do you wanna do, Sarge? Blow up the fort?

  • Notes

  • Allusions

    • The episode title is a take-off of "Old Ironsides," the nickname given to the the famous US Navy frigate, USS Constitution. It earned the nickname when cannonballs reportedly bounced off her thick wooden hull.

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