Lois (and various)
Meg (season 2+)
Chris (and various)
Peter / Stewie / Brian / Quagmire / Tom Tucker (and various)
Cleveland/Herbert/Performance Artist/Greased-Up Deaf Guy (and various)
Mayor Adam West
Peter says he hasn't made a crank call in years, but he made one to his mother in "Mother Tucker".
When Meg takes a picture of Bill he has nipples with his left one pierced.
However when Bill's in bed with Lois he doesn't have nipples nor the piercing.
The licence plate on the back of Clinton's limo says BUBBA.
The two tanks at the aquarium are named the Touch Tank, and the Fondle Tank.
Brian and Stewie go crazy to the sound of the toilet flushing in this episode, but in Stewie Loves Lois, he flushes the toilet and neither he nor Stewie is bothered by the sound it makes.
The gym that Peter works out at is The Sweaty Clam.
Aqua - Barbie Girl
Conway Twitty - Your Love Had Taken Me That High
Conway Twitty - You've Never Been This Far Before
Peter: (about having sex with Babs) Lois, I couldn't go through with it.
Lois: But Peter, you have to! For the sake of our marriage!
Peter: Screw our marriage! I love you!
Stewie: Look at Peter in that tank top. He looks more pathetic then when John Merrick went on Match.com.
(Scene of John Merrick having dinner with a woman)
John Merrick: (to his date) There's no way you're a size six!
Bill Clinton: All right, are you ready for another round of N.A.F.T.A
Lois Griffin: What does N.A.F.T.A. mean?
Bill Clinton: 'Nother Afternoon of F****** That Ass!
Lois: Trust me, it'll work better than the first telephone.
Alexander Graham Bell: Well, we did it Watson. What an afternoon. We finally perfected the first telephone.
Thomas Watson: Yeah, uh, hey listen, somebody called me today. Uh, whoever it was, said some very sexual things, very angry, sexual things.
Alexander Graham Bell: Oh, really? Probably just some teenagers somewhere... damn them.
Thomas Watson: Well, well that's, that's the thing. I mean, there's, there's only two phones, in the, well, in the world and one of them is in my office and the other one is in your office and those two didn't even exist until a few hours ago.
Alexander Graham Bell: Yikes, I could use a distraction right now.
Bill Clinton: (Sitting with four fat women.) Alright girls, I turned off the AC. First one to have a bead of neck sweat reach their butt crack wins.
(After Meg finishes typing on laptop.)
Chris: Meg, you are so full of crap. You're like those people who sit in Starbucks and publicly write on their laptops. (Scene with two guys typing on their laptops in Starbucks.)
Guy #2: Hey, getting some writing done there buddy?
Guy #1: Yeah, setting up in public so everybody can watch me type my big screenplay.
Guy #2: Me too. All real writers need to be seen writing otherwise what's the point, right?
Guy #1: You should totally write that down!
Guy #2: Okay, will you watch me?
Lois: (Enters through front door.) Brian, what is this on my shoe?
Brian: My poop.
Lois: (Takes tissue and wipes shoe.) That's right and it's disgusting. I am sick of you using the front yard as your bathroom. It's time you learn to use the toilet like everyone else.
Stewie: Uh, I'm going to sneeze. I'm going to sneeze. I'm going to sneeze. I'm going to sneeze. (Sneezes on tissue with Brian's poop and looks at it.) Ahhhhh! (Runs away.)
Peter: Hey there Mr. Octopus. I see you got two eyes but not much else. We can fix that. (Takes out marker and starts to draw.) Let's give you a nice twiggly little mustache here. And maybe a big ol' dumb guy smiley mouth. And a couple of eyebrows with one raised up like you're saying, 'Say What?' Oh, look whose got pimples... and right before the big dance. (Starts tapping glass with pen and the tank explodes and octopus attacks Peter.)
(Carter Pewterschmidt walks in his living room to find Peter naked, kissing Lois)
Carter Pewterschmidt: Why are you naked in my house?!
Peter: (turning around to Mr. Pewterschmidt) Uh....(pauses)...why aren't you?
Carter Pewterschmidt: (long pause) ..You're alright Griffin.
Peter: I haven't misjudged someone this bad since my last physical.
(scene cuts to Peter bending over a table being examined by a man behind him)
Man: Alright... (snapping off gloves) The doctor will be in in a few minutes.
Peter: I mean, what if I run into that octopus again?
Lois: Peter, that's ridiculous.
Octopus: Ready for round two man? (Peter and Lois look outside. Octopus has a cigarette in one of the tentacles.) I got all day. Hey, is that your wife?
(Peter closes blinds)
Meg: Don't mind me you guys, I'm just writing a letter to my boyfriend. Dear, my boyfriend, thank you for making out with me recently, on purpose. That was cool. Those flowers that you totally sent me, were really pretty. Just like you said I am. Love, Meg.
Lois: Alright, Peter. Who's it gonna be? Who do you wanna sleep with?
Peter: Ah, who are we kidding, Lois? This is never gonna work. Lets just forget the whole thing.
Lois: No, honey. It's gotta work. Just pick somebody, and I'll make it happen. Deep down, in your heart of hearts, if, if it could be anyone in the world, who would it be? Halle Berry? Ann Margerat?
Peter: Anybody I want?
Lois: Anybody. Don't be afraid to tell me.
Lois: (Uneasily) My mother?
Bill: Dude, check it out! There's a pig behind that fence.
Peter: Aw yeah, I see it.
Bill: Dude, we can eat that pig.
Bill: Dude, come on! We can totally eat that pig. We could, we could do it, man, we could. It'll be so easy man, it'll take like a minute.
Peter: Could it really be that fast?
Bill: Peter, that pig could be in our stomaches in like one minute. And then we could, and then, we could do other stuff.
Peter: (stoned laughing) Oh right, I'm starved. Let's do it.
Meg: Wow! Bill Clinton! Hey, uh, can I get a picture of you on my cell phone?
Bill Clinton: Sure.
(Bill lifts up his shirt right when the picture was taken and it shows a nipple ring.)
Bill Clinton: You know where I got that nipple ring? Old straddlin' Madeline Albright gave it to me.
(Peter is playing DDR)
Bill Clinton: Watch the screen, not your feet.
Peter: Bill shut up, I got it.
Loudspeaker Announcer: Number 32.
Peter: Oh no, our pizza is ready!
Bill Clinton: Tag out man! Tag out! (Peter tags Bill in and Bill starts playing) I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world. Wrapped in plastic, it's fantastic. Come on Barbie, let's go party, uh, uh, uh yeah!
Peter: Hey, Bill. Are you up for a little bowling? I swiped some money out of Lois's purse. I don't think she'll notice because she's here... humping... you!
Lois: Peter! Look, I know this looks bad and I feel horrible, and... and I know nothing I could say to you could possibly justify why I slept with Bill except... I mean, Peter, the man presided over the longest economic expansion in US history and he reduced the percentage of Americans on welfare to its lowest level in 33 years!
Bill Clinton: 35 years.
Lois: 35 years, Peter!
Peter: Well, well. I learned something today. Apparently, there's the side of Bill Clinton the world knows, and then there's the dark, sex crazed side only I know!
Peter: Oh, boy. This is gonna be fun! I haven't made a crank call in years!
Bill: Shh, quiet! It's ringing!
Bill: Hello? Is this Linda Tripp?
Bill: You shouldn't have talked, you stupid bitch! I hope you die! (Hangs up)
Peter: Boy, that uh... that wasn't really a crank call. That was, that was just unpleasant.
Bill: Sorry about that.
Peter: I haven't felt this good in years. I feel like Arnold Schwarzenegger without the fruity accent and the Pirates of the Caribbean wife.
Peter: Hello flabby, out of shape family. Check out my bulging ripplyness.
Brian: Peter, you've been to the gym once... for fifteen minutes.
Peter: And I'm fifteen minutes stronger Brian. I'd rip a phone book in half, but for the life of me, I don't know anyone who uses a phone book anymore. So I'll use Meg's laptop.
(proceeds to completely destroy Meg's laptop)
(Brian and Stewie are in the bathroom, staring at the toilet)
Brian: How do you think it works?
Stewie: I have no idea.
Brian: Look, Lois told me I had to start using the toilet, and you're the one who's had potty-training, so I'm counting on you to help me.
Stewie: Alright, we're two intelligent guys, we can figure this out.
(they walk toward the toilet)
Brian: What's that big back part?
Stewie: (nervously) Maybe that's where the wizard lives who operates this thing. It would be wise not to anger him.
Brian: (reaching for the flush handle) I wonder what this thing is for.
Stewie: Brian! Be careful with that, we don't know what it does.
Brian: (sighs) Alright, here goes.
Stewie: Oh god, oh god, careful, careful, careful, careful!
(Brian flushes the toilet, they both run out of the bathroom, Stewie yelling and Brian barking)
Tom Tucker: In other news, former president Bill Clinton was in town today to judge Quahog's annual "Miss Cankle USA" contest.
(cuts to pageant, Bill is sitting in the audience, two heavy-set women are on the runway)
Bill Clinton: Now that's a cankle! Where does the calf fat end and the ankle fat begin? Who knows, that's the fun.
Stewie: (After putting two starfish over his nipples) Hey Brian, look, I'm a stripper. I'm working my way through college. I should be more reluctant to take my clothes off, but I'm not because my step-father had boundary issues.
(Brian is sitting on the toilet)
Lois: Well, look at you using the toilet. I am so proud of you.
Brian: Hey, well you deserve all the praise for encouraging me to do it.
Lois: Well still, good for you.
(Lois leaves, and Stewie enters)
Stewie: So, where are you really doin' your business?
Brian: Oh, I found a place.
(Scene cuts to Adam West's mansion, he walks near some bushes
Adam West: Well I'll be damned, and they called me crazy; "You can't plant sausage seeds" they said, well look at this!
The scene where Brian gives Lois a dead bird for Christmas was referenced in the older episode, Fast Times at Buddy Cianci Jr. High, where Stewie teases Brian for leaving a dead bird on the carpet, and to which Brian replies: "That was a gift, you bastard. That was a gift for the family."
Clinton mentions he got his nipple pierced by Albright. She was appointed by Clinton to the position of ambassador to the United Nations after he took office. In 1997 she became the first female Secretary of state.
Bill Clinton makes a prank call to Linda Tripp, a central figure in the Monica Lewinsky scandal.
The Elephant Man
At one point Stewie makes reference to John Merrick who was better known as The Elephant Man (His name was actually Joseph Merrick, but the name was Changed in the Movie The Elephant Man and the change has stuck.)
The song played by Clinton and his bodyguards is the theme to the 80's television series Night Court.
Wacky Wall Walkers:
The octopus hits the wall and falls down it in the signature manner of these plastic fad toys from the 1980s.
The Marvel comic book character The Thing is shown.
Chuck E. Cheese
The restaurant Peter and Bill Clinton go to hang out is Chuck E. Cheese's.
When Lois and Peter visit Lois' parents, Carter is watching the TV show Medium.
The TV show Hee Haw is alluded to in two seperate scenes. Both ending in a cut away to various Conway Twitty performances on the original show.
Dance Dance Revolution
While at the arcade, Bill Clinton and Peter are seen playing Dance Dance Revolution.
Bill and Peter's Bogus Journey
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