Lois (and various)
Meg (season 2+)
Chris (and various)
Peter / Stewie / Brian / Quagmire / Tom Tucker (and various)
Cleveland/Herbert/Performance Artist/Greased-Up Deaf Guy (and various)
Mayor Adam West
The car seen in George W. Bush's garage appears to be a 1967 Pontiac GTO.
When the Griffins drive from the gas station, Stewie, dressed in drag, is in an infant car seat, but there is no strap or seat belt holding him.
When Chris and Meg break into George Bush's house, they walk by portraits of Bush with Fidel Castro, Osama Bin Laden, and the Superdevil.
This episode is the first reference to Peter being retarded since the Petarded episode.
When entering Texas, the Griffins pass a sign that reads:
Welcome to Texas
The F*ck You State
The three guys in the pageant crowd that yell after Stewie's wig falls off were modeled after three of the staff members of planet-familyguy.com, Mikenomn (who's name is Pat), Rob, and Joe. This was most likely another thank-you gift from the Family Guy staff, as they are the ones that started the movement to save Family Guy after the first time it was canceled.
Songs played on the church organ:
Jerry Lee Lewis - Great Balls of Fire
The Waitresses - I Know What Boys Like
Giacommo Rossini - William Tell Overture
Dick Chaney: (snores) "18% approval ratings"... How'd you like 18% of my foot up your ass?
Brian: Can you believe that cashier's accent? "Would you like some change for you?"
Stewie: If it weren't for 9/11, they'd be adorable!
(Brian and Stewie hid in a bathroom)
Brian: We need some way of changing your appearance!
Stewie: I feel like Britney Spears. I'm standing in urine and I hate the person I'm with.
Chris: Are you sure Aunt Carol won't mind us using her house?
Lois: She won't care Chris. She's off on her ninth honeymoon.
Peter: (laughing) When will it work for her?
Brian: Well, we got lucky. How you holding up Stewie?
Stewie: (in female clothing) Ummm, I feel right Brian. I feel right.
Lois: Ah, it is so good to be home. Ya know, I wanted us to live in a place with real family values, but values don't come from where you live or who your friends are. They come from inside, from your own beliefs.
Peter: I agree Lois. Like for instance, If you're watching a TV show, and you decide to take your values from that, you're an idiot. Maybe you should take responsibility for what values your kids are getting. Maybe you shouldn't be letting your kids watch certain shows in the first place if you have such a big problem with them, instead of blaming the shows themselves. (pauses, looks to the camera) Yeah.
Police Officer: Pardon me sir, we're trying to locate a possessed child. (shows picture of Stewie) Have you seen any one who looks like this?
Peter: Yeah, that's my son. He's actually in the mini-market right now, he'll be out in a second. (Lois elbows him.) Uh, uh, uh, uh, I mean, I mean, no, no. Never seen him before.
Police Officer: Hmm... what was that first thing you said?
Peter: Oh I was just saying that baby in the picture is my son. He's traveling with us. He's part of our family. We're trying to avoid being found by police like you. (Lois elbows him again.) Uh, uh, uh, I mean, I was just... reminding what a nice tie you have on.
Police Officer: I... love... this tie. Oh right, you folks take care now.
Peter: Don't worry Lois. We'll hide in the one place they can't find us... (closes eyes) in imagination land, where you burp where you fart and you fart where you burp. (Cuts to scene where Peter is sitting on a chair. He lifts up his leg and burps and then opens his mouth and farts.) Haha, indeed, that's how it happens.
Peter: Ah sweet! We are out of here! Now I can do what I planned to do this morning. Gladiator mice! (Cuts to scene where Peter is on the sofa with only his underwear on watching two mice in armor do battle on the floor.) (excited) Hahahaha! Yes! Yes! Die! Die! Die! I have everything and you have nothing!
Lois: And lately, this family has been lacking moral fiber, especially you Meg. (Cuts to scene where Meg and Stewie are in living room.)
Lois: Meg! What happened to you?
Stewie: (Sad tone) She can't answer you. She can't even talk. Ever since she started smoking pot, she just kinda lays there. It's really sad. (Happy tone) And a tiny bit funny. Oh my God, I think I'm getting a contact high! (sags like Meg.) Uh, now I'm messed up too.
Lois: Well, I got good news. I'm going to be the Church's new organist. (Both Brian and Meg talk simultaneously.)
Brian: Hey, hey, congrats.
Meg: Wow mom, that's great.
Chris: That means you'll play the organ.
Quagmire: (reading a sign on Church door that says "Organist Wanted.") Huh-huh, all right! (Runs inside Church, unzips pants, gets slapped) Ahh. (comes back outside) Why do you say organist if you don't want... I don't understand the world anymore.
Brian: Lois, I'm not sure this is the right place for us. These Texans are socially backward and politically they're all stubborn as a mule.
A Mule: No sorry, Kevin Bacon wasn't in Footloose.
Guy: What!?, of course he was.
A Mule: No he wasn't, you lose.
Guy: Of course he was, he was the star.
A Mule: Nope, you're wrong. Look it up.
Guy: I don't have to look it up, it's common knowledge…
A Mule: Nope..
Guy: he was on the cover…
A Mule: Nope…
Guy: of People Magazine
A Mule: Nope..
Guy: when the movie…
A Mule: No…
Guy: Everyone knows...
A Mule: No
A Mule: No!..
Guy: Kevin Bacon..
A Mule: NO!
Guy: was the star…
A Mule: NO!
Guy: in Footloose..
A Mule: NO!
Guy: It was a huge movie,…
A Mule: NO!
Guy: he was the lead.
A Mule: NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! HeeHaw! HeeHaw! HeeHaw!
Jillian: Wait, wait, I have another question, how do I know if I'm Jewish?
Brian: Are you Jewish?
Brian: There you go sport!
Jillian: Thank you!
(Peter enters the bedroom on his horse)
Peter: Ugh, it's been a long day Lois, a long day.
(Peter gets into bed, with the horse)
Lois: Peter what the hell, you can't bring that horse into our bed!
Peter: Lois, I can not believe you would ban the horse from our bed. He's a graceful, majestic creature, who is a part of this family and only wants you to love and respect--The horse may have pooped in the bed.
Peter: You know they say Chuck Norris is so tough, there's no chin under his beard... there is only another fist.
Brian: That's ridiculous. (Chuck Norris taps him on the back.) Chuck Norris? (A fist comes out of Chuck Norris' beard and punches Brian in the face.)
Meg: Wow, look at this! I can't believe that Mrs. Bush kept all of these Planned Parenthood receipts.
Chris: Holy Cow! She's been scraped more times than a fisherman's knuckle!
Peter: Hey Lois, you say something?
Lois: Oh, just that I think that you'll love this cake.
Stewie: None for me, thanks, it's gonna go straight to my vagina. (to Brian) That's what girls worry about, right? Having big vaginas?
TV Announcer: This is Channel 5 news Texas, with Duke Dillon.
Duke: Howdy Texas, I'm Duke Dillon. At the top of the news tonight, authorities have called off their pursuit of a fugitive Rhode Island baby, who was thought to be possessed by the devil.
Lois: Oh, thank god!
Duke: This turn of events came after Vatican scientists announced today, that the devil is not the greatest threat to salvation. Due to last weeks discovery of the Super Devil. Religion reporter Dallas Houston has the story.
Dallas: Thanks Duke, well let me try and get you a clear picture of what we're dealing with here. Here's a photo of the devil, and here's the super devil. Now as you can see, there are some significant differences. The super devil is at least six inches taller, uh, he has a flying motorcycle, and a jar of marmalade that we believe forces you to commit adultery.
Tom Tucker: In other Pseudo-Scientific news, a local man claims to have spotted Big Foot. We've got the exclusive interview.
RJ: I was about to bone my girlfriend out at the lake, but suddenly she yelled. So I looked up and was Big Foot.
Tom Tucker: So what happened next?
RJ: Then I went back to bone her, but the mosquitoes were going crazy and she said there was no way.
Priest: Good morning everyone. A reading, from the letter of John, to the couple with the crying baby upstairs: "Obviously you hear your kid crying and you are trying to break him of some habit. But I got news for you, It's not working. I swear to God that if it doesn't stop, I will come up there and show him what real pain is." The word of the Lord.
Congregation: Praise be to God.
(the family is sitting around the dinner table, and Lois walks in)
Peter: Oh, finally! Some of us have been waitin' all evening for a certain wife to come home and feed her starving family.
Lois: Peter, I told you I was gonna be late. Couldn't you have handled dinner?
Peter: You can't ask me to make dinner, Lois. That's like asking me to choose between Sarah Jessica Parker and Kirsten Dunst in a "hot body, weird face" contest, it can't be done.
The FOX airing of this episode had the Priest read an excerpt from John. However, in the Adult Swim airing of the episode, the priest reads an excerpt from Leviticus.
Priest: Good morning, everyone. A reading from the book of Leviticus. "Thou shalt not put thy seed in thy sock, and then stuff it in the bottom of hamper like it's been there a long time." The word of the Lord.
Congregation: Praise be to God.
12 year old Camilla Stull, who guest starred in this episode, died on on April 16, 2007 after a three-year battle with Leukemia. Her dream of becoming an actress came true as Drew Barrymore introduced her to Seth MacFarlane, who gave her a one episode contract.
Peter and Lois are watching the newest Julia Louis-Dreyfuss sitcom called Now It's Just Getting Sad, a reference to The New Adventures of Old Christine which was getting bad ratings at the time.
When Peter is driving down the road with his family, he drives alongside Christie Brinkley in a red Ferrari with the tune of "Little Boy Sweet" playing, just like Clark Griswold did in the movie Vacation.
Meat Loaf - Bat out of Hell
There are two references to this album. The first is the Quahog news story about Stewie throwing up at church. The headline reads: Brat out of Hell. The second reference is in the Texas news story. The picture of the super devil shows him on a flying motorcycle much like the album cover art.
The scene between Stewie and Jesus is a parody of a similar scene from the movie Witness starring Harrison Ford and Kelly McGillis.
Chuck Norris facts
Peter tells Brian a fact about Chuck Norris: "You know they say Chuck Norris is so tough, there's no chin under his beard...there is only another fist." This is a reference to the Chuck Norris facts internet fad that peaked in the year 2005.
The line "can I borrow your underpants for ten minutes" is a line Anthony Michael Hall says to Molly Ringwald in the movie Sixteen Candles. The next scene where Chris hold up the underwear and shows it in the men's room is also from the movie.
When Jake Tucker comes up to play the organ, he plays it backwards, then turns over the sheet music and plays normal. This was done by musician comedian Victor Borge, who also used to put the sheet paper on its side and play like if he were reading Japanese.
The Naked Gun
The line "It's Enrico Pallazzo!" is from the film The Naked Gun, starring Leslie Nielsen.
I Know What Boys Like
Herbert plays I Know What Boys Like on the church organ. This was a semi-hit 1980s song from The Waitresses.
The scene where Meg is flat on the couch is a crack at the anti-drug commercials.
Boys Do Cry
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